The Chaotic Hammer

Two Kids in Love

2009-01-26T08:15:00.002-06:00

I've been living long enough to know that there is a season for everything, and a time for every activity under the sun. There have been times in my life -- too many times -- when I was constantly busy, and my loved ones seemed like random strangers I occasionally stumbled across in my own house.

But I woke up one morning not too long ago, and suddenly remembered vividly the cry of my heart, from a season of life long since passed. There I was, in the darkest and loneliest days of my life. Not just single, but brokenhearted and abandoned. Everywhere I turned, there was darkness and hopelessness. All I wanted was a friend -- someone to share it all with; someone to stand beside me in my hour of need. I cried out to the Lord, and still there was no one for me. In desperation my heart cried once again, "If I ever find love again, dear Jesus, I promise I'll cherish it, and pour all my heart and soul and mind and strength into making it grow, and giving myself fully to the one you give to me."

In time, the sadness passed, and the activities of life filled the empty spaces. When love did come, I wasn't even looking for it. I had resolved to spend my life alone, and to enjoy the freedom that gave me. But there was love, standing in front of me with long hair and mischievous eyes, so I walked through the doorway to a new life. (Walked quite slowly, says she. But walked nonetheless, says I.)

It's been several years since the day we said our vows, in front of family and friends and God. Several very good years, by any measure. But on a day recently -- suddenly, mysteriously, without explanation -- I awoke and remembered with stark lucidity the cry of my heart from all those years ago. The time and season has seemed right to remember my promise to the Lord. And for wonderful reasons I may never understand, this wife of mine has been feeling the same way about the whole thing lately, at the same time as me.

And so here we are, living in the renewed dream that is our reality. Life is good. We're in love, and feeling like two teenagers who have borrowed my parents' car for the night, and don't have a curfew.

The night is young. Come away with me, my love.

A Call From Darrell Waltrip

2009-01-12T11:47:00.004-06:00

I'm feeling sort of famous right now. NASCAR legend Darrell Waltrip called me and left a personal message on my phone, thanking me for using the service department at his Honda dealership. He even gave me a number I can call back, in case I have any questions or comments about the service I received. Maybe I'll call it sometime, and ask to talk to Darrell, just so we can shoot the breeze about how much cooler motor sports were in the olden days, before they had stuff like restrictor plates and roof flaps.

This is so cool, getting a call from Darrell Waltrip. It's even better than that time John Kerry called, asking me to vote for him. Plus I hear that Darrell Waltrip is a Christian, and has a bible study in Nashville. I'm not really surprised. Pretty much everyone in Nashville is a Christian, except for Catholics and Jehovah's Witnesses, and those people who were cheering for the Baltimore Ravens.

Of course, in some ways, I'm jaded by all the exposure to famous celebrities that one gets when living in Nashville. Pretty much every songwriter/musician/waitress in Nashville can tell you a cool story about how a bona fide star came into their restaurant, and even got seated in their section. And how famous people can sometimes be really nice and friendly, in real life.

When I'm famous, I'm going to be really nice to people, too. You should always remember your roots, and where you came from. It's not polite to make fun of all the unimportant little people, because you used to be just like one of them, before you got famous.

Twitter

2009-01-07T01:59:00.000-06:00

I'm probably just afraid of how much of my time I would waste. I have enough "information overload" even without the antidote, thanks. about 1 minute ago from Blogger

Who knows? Maybe I could get into Twitter, if I could think of an actual use for it. about 3 minutes ago from Blogger

Yeah. And chocolate cake is the antidote to weight gain, too. Eat up! about 5 minutes ago from Blogger

Actual quote from the Twitter site: "Twitter puts you in control and becomes a modern antidote to information overload." about 7 minutes ago from Blogger

is scratching his elbow. about 11 minutes ago from Blogger

is aware I can link it to my Facebook status updates or whatever. But I don't use those either. about 12 minutes ago from Blogger

@dullroar Et tu, dude? Ack! I coulda sworn you were with me on this! about 16 minutes ago from Blogger in reply to dullroar

I'd rather have my eye poked out with a sharp stick than join in the Twitter mayhem. about 1 hour ago from Blogger

just went to the bathroom. about 1 hour ago from Blogger

No, the truth is my decision not to Twit or Tweet or whatever you call it is firm and not subject to change. about 2 hours ago from Blogger

OK, now it's official. I've finally done it. No, I didn't join Twitter. I wrote a blog post about Twitter, just like everyone else. You're reading it right now. about 2 hours ago from Blogger

You Were a Believer

2009-01-06T18:51:00.008-06:00

Superlatives and Expletives

2009-01-05T20:51:00.003-06:00

We live in a world where information overload is commonplace, and at any given time there seem to be a million different things vying for our attention. So it's no surprise that everyone and everything is looking to shock, to entice, or to stand out in some way.

One of the results of this is a coarsening of our language, and an exhaustion of available descriptions for things which vary in degree. We love people, food, and TV shows. We hate politicians, bad drivers, and the devil. The current financial recession is the most desperate and disastrous event since the Great Depression. The current weather is the most severe ever, and further evidence that the global climate is well on its way to impending doom and disaster. Many people have a new and different "best friend forever" monthly, and "the worst day ever" almost daily.

As part of this same process, the boundaries of what is considered acceptable and polite speech, particularly in terms of obscenity and vulgarity, are also being stretched. When I was 15 years old, I distinctly remember immersing myself in flagrant and gratuitous use of extremely vulgar language. I was surrounded by friends who also spoke that way, and we all agreed that it made us sound pretty grown up and avant-garde. It was a great way to rebel against our parents, and against society at large. No word, regardless of how hateful or hurtful, was off limits. The more offensive, the better. Now it seems that society at large is striking back, by pelting me daily with the vocabulary of a 15 year old. Touché.

What this all means is that things which cannot be characterized in extreme terms are anathema, and should be avoided. They are boring and meaningless. They are routine and predictable. They are mediocre and unnoticeable. They are bland and tasteless. They are plain and ordinary.

When we want to express that something is truly spectacular, amazing, magnificent, or wonderful, we lack the effective vocabulary to do it because we've used up those words on things which simply didn't deserve them. When we want to express that something is truly abhorrent, horrible, awful, or revolting, again we lack the vocabulary because we've used up those words on things we oughtn't have.

I really don't think there's anything that can be done to reverse the trend at this point. It seems that it's in our nature to become desensitized to anything to which we are repeatedly exposed, including the power of words. I wonder if there will come a point where we will have gone so far down this path that it will strike someone as novel and compelling to rebel against society by discovering "the old way", and unearthing the shocking richness of the language that was left behind long ago.

Inspired Blogging

2009-01-04T10:49:00.006-06:00

I received some helpful thoughts and suggestions from commenters on my previous post, regarding ways to capture "blog-worthy" inspirational moments when they strike me. I decided that the subject was worth a new entry, with some additional ponderings.

My friend Jim suggests that an item we all have and take for granted, the cell phone, can be used in several different ways to retain and record the ideas that might strike anytime and anywhere.

In my case, I work from a home office and only have my cell phone with me when I leave the house. So the ideas that strike me, say, in the shower (which is one place they actually do occur fairly often) would probably not apply in this case. But certainly, when I see or think of things while out and away from the house, this sounds like a very good alternative, and one which I'm pretty sure I'll make use of now.

My friend Amy admits that she still makes use of ancient technology and jots her thoughts down on paper. I'm definitely not above the use of ancient technology. In fact, my workspace is littered with hundreds of Post-It notes. This still seems to be my method of choice for many other things, like work reminders or shopping lists. So perhaps if I were to station a few more Post-It pads with pens strategically throughout the house, this could actually be helpful, too.

Amy made another great point about retaining what made the "inspiration" seem so interesting in the first place, and now that I think about it, this might be the real issue for me. During my "inspired" moments, my mind is racing, and I typically have several excellent bullet points to support my new notion, along with lots of great real-life examples. But a couple of paragraphs into actually typing it out, it suddenly doesn't seem so great after all.

I remember reading one writer who said that you should quickly type everything out while you're still inspired, without stopping to self-edit. Then you finish editing the grammar and organizing the structure better after you have reached the end. In my case, self-editing early and often in the process certainly does seem to discourage me, and traps me in the minutiae of trying to say everything perfectly, even before I've finished getting all my thoughts typed out.

Of course, there's one final element to this blogging process that I haven't even mentioned at all. Many blog entries are not the result of any sort of inspiration at all. Some are funny or interesting videos, others are responses or comments to other blog posts, and still others are simple recordings of thoughts or events, like a daily journal might be. No doubt a number of bloggers who succeed at writing frequently incorporate generous use of these elements into their content as well.

Bone Dry

2009-01-02T12:18:00.003-06:00

Boy, I just can't seem to think of anything to write about on this blog lately.

The funny thing is, I have moments of inspiration almost daily, but they don't occur during the time I'm here at the keyboard. They seem to pass into complete oblivion by the time I try to remember them so I can type them out.

I hear many bloggers say that some of the best and most interesting posts and discussion threads came from entries that were uninspired and didn't seem to amount to much initially. There's probably something to that. Some of the greatest inventions and breakthroughs were discovered accidentally, sort of like LSD. Well, maybe that's not such a good example after all. Hofmann claims it wasn't just a chance discovery, in the purest sense of that expression.

I wonder if somebody out there who blogs successfully has tips on how to harness inspired thoughts and retain them, so they can lead to blog entries. Anyone? I don't want to resort to carrying around a tape recorder. Well, that's ancient technology, anyway -- I guess it would be a MP3 player with recording capability now. And I don't want to scribble thoughts onto note cards. Oops, more ancient technology -- these days, it would be some sort of PDA, I guess.

Maybe what I should do is start a blog which self-consciously looks at what's involved in trying to blog, and how fruitless/difficult the process is. Oh wait, there's somebody already doing that, apparently.

A Time to Pause

2008-12-31T18:51:00.003-06:00

The last day of the year seems like a good time to pause briefly to look back at the previous year, and to look forward to the upcoming year. I really don't have any particularly deep thoughts about either one at the moment, but maybe I can manage a few quick reflections.

2008 was a good year. My family enjoyed good health, safety, prosperity, and some genuine spiritual and personal growth. There were some setbacks and hardships, too, but those seem relatively minor when I consider what many people in the world are facing today. I am blessed to be surrounded by amazing friends and family, and I would be tremendously remiss if I failed to mention that Jesus is the center of everything good and worthwhile in my life. His unquenchable grace, mercy, and love are precious beyond words, and it's because of Him that I can look forward to each new day.

I start 2009 with few lofty goals or ambitions. Perhaps one thing I should try to do is relax and take a little more time off. The folks at my office notified me this past week that I have a tremendous surplus of vacation days accumulated. I'm at an age and season in life where my work is generally enjoyable and rewarding, but I know from experience that it's important to keep a good balance in my life, and not devote too much time or energy to work. Enjoying a little down time, and stopping to appreciate the goodness around me, sounds like a grand idea.

I think I'll start working on that right now. My wife spent the whole afternoon preparing a nice spread of meats, cheeses, fruits, vegetables, and a variety of condiments to take next door, where our neighbors are throwing their annual New Years' Eve bash. There will be lots of food, drinks, friends, kids playing, laughter, and even some fireworks.

Happy New Year! May you and yours have a wonderful 2009.

Though He Often Cheats By Using Extremely Long and Descriptive Titles, and Not Including Those in His Word Count

2008-12-20T12:17:00.007-06:00

I enjoy Abraham Piper's blog, 22 Words. I struggle with being too verbose. I'm usually not disciplined enough to use fewer words.

Winter Gloom

2008-12-17T23:14:00.003-06:00

So here we are, just a few days from the shortest day of the year in the northern hemisphere, and I haven't seen the sun in weeks. Literally. We've been locked into this weather pattern where there is constant, thick cloud cover. This isn't unusual for this time of year here in Tennessee, and I don't mean to make it sound like I'm complaining.

In fact, we've had decent rainfall lately, and are now ahead of our average for annual precipitation in 2008. This is good, because we've had a couple of very dry years. 2007 was considered a drought year.

I do think there is more than just a psychological effect from continuous lack of sunlight. Our bodies get Vitamin D from sunlight, so perhaps a lack of it has other physiological effects. My sleep patterns are a little off. I feel a couple of degrees off kilter. It's hard to explain.

The last couple of days it has been very cold, and drizzly, and a thick fog has been lingering just above the rooftops. I swear it looks like London in 1891 -- the perfect backdrop for a murder mystery.

But I accept this. It's part of the amazing cycle of life in our world. There was rebirth and new hope in the spring, an almost endless supply of hot sunny days in the summer, and a crisp beautiful change in the fall. Now it's time for things to lie dormant or die. It seems a bit dreary now, and sometimes seems like it lasts a little longer than we'd like. But the truth is that it stays this way just the right amount of time. It will make the warmth and rebirth of springtime that much sweeter when it finally comes.

Gosh, I Hope She's Okay

2008-12-16T00:02:00.001-06:00

Linked Together

2008-12-14T16:31:00.004-06:00

Is it just me and the places I visit, or does the blogosphere seem sort of slow lately?

I find it fascinating that something as chaotic and uncontrolled as the internet manages to ebb and flow in such discernible patterns. Each individual person, acting as a free agent, manages to blend and mingle into a greater whole in ways that can be surprisingly predictable.

Having been part of online communities for many years now, I do understand some of the reasons for this. For one thing, much of the content on the blogosphere is part of an ongoing conversation. A post by one blogger sparks a conversation, and other bloggers write new posts both in response to the original, and as part of new thoughts on related subjects. More and more blogs become linked together by the synergy of these multiple ongoing conversation threads. Eventually there is some sort of consensus or equilibrium reached with the original conversation, but others have arisen to take its place.

When many of the prevailing conversations have run their course, and some sort of saturation point across the whole of the hive has been reached, things quiet down for a while. Because we just completed an election cycle here in the United States, it's possible that a certain level of fatigue has set in. Everyone expressed his or her opinion, poured their passion into the process, and is experiencing a bit of a lull or letdown now. I don't necessarily mean a letdown in the sense of being sad or depressed (though I'm sure some people are), just in levels of passion and desire to express strong opinions about many of the issues that were hot topics a little over a month ago.

It's also possible that the time of year has something to do with it. Perhaps people are busy shopping, or spending time with family and friends. Maybe some are suffering from season-related depression, which unfortunately, is fairly common this time of year.

Ultimately, I'm not sure if this slowdown is real or just anecdotally perceived. And how can something be called "real", when the entire framework and substance upon which it is based only exists in a virtual way in the first place?

Magnifying the Mundane

2008-12-13T13:42:00.004-06:00

So I've been trying this "daily blogging" thing, more or less, for about a week now, and I'm still not sure what to think about it.

I find that I can always write something -- sometimes it's something about something, and sometimes it's something about nothing. Sometimes it's an embedded video that I found funny or interesting. As far as I know, I have at least one person who has this blog in his reader and actually reads what I write (thanks, Jim!). But I'm still restless and uncertain about what value this whole thing has, and for whom I am writing it.

I guess it should be obvious by now that I'm an awkward, introspective and self-conscious person. Otherwise, why would I keep stopping the simple flow of daily minutiae to ponder the process, instead of just engaging in it? And I think I should make it clear that I'm not saying this in a negative way, or to be persistently self-deprecating. It is what it is, and I am what I am.

Perhaps it's the mundane and introspective nature of my life (and therefore of my subject matter), that has me constantly rethinking this process. Other than a few friends, I'm not sure who wants to read about my simple daily existence. One of the common criticisms of blogging I've seen is this very thing -- that there are millions of people creating dull and meaningless logs of their dull and meaningless lives, and trying to make it sound like they are interesting or have something important to say.

Which means that at this point, I'm a blogger whose dull and meaningless chatter includes allegedly witty observations about how other writers I've read like to make fun of the fact that most blogging is just dull and meaningless chatter.

Somebody stop me.

It's One of a Kind

2008-12-13T02:02:00.001-06:00

Holy Strep Throat, Batman!

2008-12-12T23:13:00.003-06:00

So after a few days of pretty severe symptoms and no apparent improvement in her condition, I took my wife to the doctor today. Turns out she has strep throat. We were both pretty surprised to hear this. She did have swelling at the back of her throat and lymph nodes, but she did not have what we usually think of as a "sore throat" -- you know, that thing you get during a bad cold, where you can't even swallow without extreme pain. I always thought that was one of the main symptoms of strep throat, but apparently that's not necessarily the case. Reading through the list of other symptoms for strep throat, I see that my wife has exhibited every single one of them.

While I was there in the doctor's office, the doctor wrote me a prescription and recommended that I take the same type of antibiotics that my wife is taking, since I have been in close contact with her the whole time she's been sick.

I think the biggest mystery for us is where my wife got this. We couldn't recall any friends or family who have had strep throat, and are not aware of coming in contact with anyone who has had it recently. We did go to a restaurant and have a meal a couple of days before she began showing symptoms -- and that's about how long it's supposed to take them to show up. That seems like the most likely scenario, but it's a scary thought -- that somebody working as a cook or server at a public restaurant is running around infecting everyone with strep.

I think we'll stay home and cook our own meals for a while.

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

2008-12-10T22:57:00.004-06:00

My poor wife is sick as a dog this week. We're not sure exactly who she got it from or when, but there's always lots of this crud going around this time of year, so it really doesn't matter. Nobody in particular owns it, and nobody wants it.

She's a little congested and has a bit of a cough, but this one is mostly aimed at her stomach and body. She can't eat anything without getting extremely nauseous, and she has an intense achy sensation all over her body, especially in her back and joints. She's alternating between a high fever with sweats, and chills with violent shivering. She's been taking either acetaminophen or ibuprofen for the aches and fever. These are providing some measure of relief, but she's still pretty miserable.

I've been trying to be helpful and comforting, and to keep the house clean and functional so she can rest a lot without worrying about anything. So mostly I'm just sitting around, waiting for her to need more water, or medicine, or a back rub. And wondering what the odds are that I'll be getting this exact same thing really soon. These kinds of bugs have a way of getting passed around among all the members of a household, so it's probably just a matter of time. Boy, now that I think about it, I am a little achy. And is that a tickle in my throat? Hmmm...

Cow Town

2008-12-09T00:54:00.003-06:00

My wife grew up in a place called Vacaville, California. It's about halfway between Sacramento and San Francisco.

For several years, I always got the same response when I would tell people where my wife was from. They would always smile and say "Cow Town". I thought they must have known something about the history of Vacaville that I didn't. Sure, I'd seen some cows in the countryside around the area where my wife grew up. But not that many cows. I figured maybe that was some sort of California in-joke, or something about the history of the place that I was unaware of. Or maybe they considered it some sort of hick town.

One day I mentioned something about Vacaville to one of my coworkers and he said "Cow Town," so I asked him if he was familiar with the place. "No, never heard of it before," he said.

"Well then how did you know it's called Cow Town?" I asked.

"In Spanish, 'vaca' means 'cow'. So 'vaca ville' would be 'cow town'."

Ah, mystery solved. At least, the mystery of why everyone would say that when I mentioned Vacaville. But it turns out that the place is actually named for a guy named Juan Manuel Vaca, not for the cows.

My Baby is Growing Up

2008-12-07T10:33:00.003-06:00

What you see below are actual, unretouched photos that I took myself, mere moments apart, from the driver's seat of my 2003 Honda Civic last night:

That's right, she's just crossed over to 100,000 miles! (Also notice, kids, that I came to a full stop before attempting to take these photographs). If you've been the owner of a Honda automobile, then you know that this mileage is barely adolescence in the life cycle of the car. I finished paying this car off a few months ago, and have been doing all the recommended maintenance, so it should continue to be safe and reliable for a very long time.

In other news my daughter, age 24, is living in her own apartment, and doing really well for herself. After a bit of a slow start, she is now exhibiting more responsible behavior and making wise choices that reflect a better understanding of how to achieve her long-term goals.

Old Man Pains

2008-12-06T17:55:00.005-06:00

For most of my life, I've generally tried to live in a reasonably healthy way. (Note the generous use of modifiers in that sentence.)

When I enlisted in the U.S. Army at age 26, it was the beginning of a fairly consistent pattern of exercise, diet, and other behaviors aimed at taking care of my body and allowing me to lead an active lifestyle. Running has always been an activity I've enjoyed -- it helps to relieve stress, gives me more energy, and makes me feel more healthy in general.

I continued with my good exercise and dietary habits for several years after my time in the military ended. However, I got away from those good habits for a couple of years when we moved here to Tennessee. First, there were a few months of house hunting; then several months of renovation on the house we bought. I got into the habit of eating out a lot, and simply didn't ~~have~~ make time to fit exercise into my schedule.

Eventually we got settled in and began making home-cooked meals again. But it took me over a year and a half to try and start back into an exercise routine. The first time I started running, I had to stop after a couple of weeks, because I was having a lot of pain in my knees -- something I had rarely experienced previously as a runner.

In January 2008, I decided to give it another try -- this time taking into account that my body would need to be introduced to exercise gradually. I needed to lose a little weight, but mostly I just needed to ease my body back into a workout routine slowly, so that it would adapt without rebelling. I started with brisk walks, push ups, and the rowing machine. Within two months I was running again, and this time with no pain. Throughout the year I gradually went longer distances in shorter time. I was feeling good, and looked forward to my runs.

Then about a month ago, I returned from a run and noticed considerable soreness along the outside of my right leg, from my knee to my ankle. As a runner, you learn that various aches and pains come and go, but this one seemed a little worse than usual. The next time I ran, the pain built as I was heading out, and was bad enough that I had to walk the final mile or so back. I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything unusual, like turn an ankle or land awkwardly during a run.

So I tried resting for a week, then started up again -- but the pain returned. I've been through this pattern a couple of times now. My wife says (mostly joking) that I'm just having "old man pains". You know, the "not as young as you used to be" thing. Yeah, yeah, like I want to hear that.

I think it's actually tendinitis. Most of the pain is in the deep tissue just above my ankle, but at times the twinge shoots all the way up to my knee. Apparently you're supposed to avoid the activity that caused the tendinitis for three to six weeks, ice the affected area, and take NSAIDs when the pain flares up.

Three to six weeks sounds like a long time to me. That's long enough for my metabolism and cardiopulmonary conditioning to really suffer. That's long enough for the currently-healthy muscles in my legs to begin to atrophy. And worst of all, that's long enough for me to get away from the habit of exercise that has once again become a part of my life. I think that's the part that scares me the most.

Looking Back

2008-12-05T13:04:00.003-06:00

My blog friend Jim recently did a series of posts with videos from the early days of MTV. I really appreciated the ~~excuse~~ opportunity to watch these, and allow them to do what such things typically do -- transport me back to the time from whence they came.

When the soundtrack of my past takes me back to that time, it somehow seems like things were good back then, even if they really weren't. I had nothing, and everything was confusing and uncertain. Yet something inside me aches for that time. I can't explain it.

In all honesty, things are much better now than they were then, in so many ways. And I'm glad and grateful for that, and don't actually want to go back to an earlier time -- even when it seems like an appealing idea.

What I conclude is that the past can sometimes create an optical illusion. It's always a safe place to visit, no matter how bad things seemed back then, because I know the outcome. I know how all those bad and confusing and scary things managed to work together to lead to the good things of today.

Though it seems like it would have been hard to believe then, I probably should have known all along that everything would be OK.

Fading Into the Background

2008-12-04T22:10:00.005-06:00

In case there's anyone out there who still visits blogs, rather than reading feeds from blogs, you've already noticed that I've gone minimalist on my blog layout.

For those of you reading this in your reader, there's no real point in visiting my blog to see it for yourself, since the whole point of going minimalist means that there's nothing to see here.

Really, this outward change in appearance accurately reflects the way I feel on the inside: plain, simple, not flashy, searching for the important core components of existence, shedding the complex and the showy.

Frankly, I'm happy about this. I know that the written word doesn't always convey tone, so I just figured I'd make that clear. I'm not feeling drab or trying to be pretentious.

Though I haven't published anything on this blog for a month, I've actually written some stuff. But I can never seem to finish what I start or allow myself to be satisfied with "good enough". I'm back to the same old conundrum that I arrive at pretty regularly -- undecided about why I'm writing or to whom I'm writing. Different bloggers have different advice on what works for them, and I've not only listened to this advice and taken it to heart, I've pondered it deeply, and deconstructed it to the point of paralysis. Which ironically, would also be an accurate description of how I've processed most of the other information that has found its way into my cerebral cortex in the last few days, or weeks, or months, or years.

I'm thinking of maybe trying one of those "post every day for a month" or "post every day for a year" things, like Jim has been doing. I do have thoughts almost every day that might be interesting to look back on at some point in the future. I also love my community of online friends who regularly meet "virtually" around the blogosphere. It seems that actually writing a "blog" would make me a better "blogger", and hence a better member of the "blogosphere".

I could do a lot more with this, too, but honestly have no desire to do that. I know how to cull accurate statistics of web site visits. In my professional life, I've set up dozens (if not hundreds) of web servers, manipulated the server log data at the most basic level, and have installed a wide variety of web statistics programs for years. I know all the tricks to get "noticed" by a larger audience, how to create content that is attractive to important search engines like Google and Technorati, how to use social networking sites, and on and on. Perhaps it's my past and present professional involvement in such internet marketing that makes me not want to do any of that for this blog.

So maybe I'll try writing again, or try writing regularly, or try committing to something, or try to stop writing long sentences with lots of commas and repetitive coordinating conjunctions. That last one certainly seems like a noble goal.

Obamanomics

2008-11-06T00:07:00.004-06:00

My wife and I have been saying this new word a lot in the last few days, and having fun with it. "Obamanomics". It's easy to pronounce, in case you're having trouble with the visually intimidating series of characters. Just say the name "Obama", then add "nomics". It flows quite nicely, and is fun to repeat.

We've also sung this new word, to the tune of the song Mah Nà Mah Nà, which I used to always enjoy on The Muppet Show. Instead of saying "Mah Nà Mah Nà", you say "Obamanomics". It's a bit of a tight fit and has an extra syllable, but you can do it. Give it a try.

You can also try repeating the word as sort of a silly school fight-song cheer, with variations on the pattern:

Oba-mahna-mahna-mahna
Oba-mahna-mahna-mahna
Oba-mahna-mahna-mahna-manomics

It's zany fun for the whole family!

(What? Did you think I was going to discuss politics?)

Land of Opportunity

2008-11-05T02:33:00.005-06:00

Congratulations to Barack Obama on making history and being elected the 44th President of the United States of America.

Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.
-1 Peter 2

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all men—the testimony given in its proper time.
-1 Timothy 2

May God bless Barack Obama and may God bless America.

Early and Often

2008-10-22T19:14:00.009-05:00

Since I've been in Tennessee, I've always voted early. I can't imagine not voting early. On every Election Day, the news is full of stories about how many hours people waited in line, what sorts of problems were experienced at various polling places, and how crazy and impatient everyone became.

So today at lunchtime I hopped into the car with my wife, drove about 20 minutes away to our county election office, stood in line for about 10 minutes, presented my driver's license, signed a piece of paper, and was escorted by an election official to a small booth with a computer touch screen. There, I participated in the process. I voted.

It's easy to make critical remarks about how broken this world's systems are, how little my vote seems to matter in the overall scheme of things, how much the politicians have screwed everything up, how much undue influence money has on the system, and on and on. Most people I know, including myself, routinely engage in that sort of discussion. Perhaps we do it because we can, because we're free.

There is a profound and important privilege and duty involved in participating in a system where those who govern do so with the consent of the governed. As much partisan rancor and passionate disagreement as our system entails, at the end of the day, those with less votes accept the results and go back to whatever they were doing before the election, those with more votes assume the responsibility for the office they were seeking, and "we the people" recognize and respect the legitimacy of those who were elected -- whether it was the candidate we voted for or not.

Man, that's pretty cool. Try telling someone living under a fascist dictatorship, or in a land with violent warlords and rampant anarchy, how much you hate it that every couple of years you have to look at campaign signs on the street corners and political commercials on the TV. I bet they'd be happy to trade places with you.

Nixon

2008-10-14T17:25:00.004-05:00

Last night I was watching a PBS documentary on the political career of Richard Nixon. I found it quite interesting and fascinating. Most of the information it contained was not new to me, but it was interesting to see it presented in the form of an historical documentary -- complete with lots of old film footage, as well as modern-day interviews with many of the key players from those events of the past.

There's something interesting about revisiting events that happened during my own lifetime, which seem in my mind to be both "fairly recent" and "long ago" at the same time. I vaguely recall the Watergate hearings, as my after-school cartoons were interrupted day after day by Breaking News and Special Reports. To a young boy, this meant that instead of Looney Tunes and Popeye, there were a bunch of serious looking men in suits arguing with other serious looking men in suits.

At that time, I couldn't tell you what it was really all about. But there was one event I still remember with crystal clarity, like it happened just yesterday.

Every summer, my family would pile into our car and drive from our home in Texas to Pennsylvania, where we would spend a week visiting with friends and relatives. The whole thing followed a very predictable pattern -- so much so that we would even stop in the same motels in the same cities each year as we made the journey.

In that year, 1974, I remember stopping at the motel and going through our usual routine of dragging all our stuff from the car to our room, and then getting settled in like usual. My brother and I were running around the room, bouncing on the beds and laughing when my dad switched on the TV. I recognized the man on the screen as President Nixon. His face took up the whole screen, and he looked sad and serious. We continued with our playing for a moment, but as my dad began turning up the volume, he shouted "Listen!", both because he couldn't hear what was being said over our laughter, and because something very serious was happening. We could tell this by the unusual tone in my dad's voice.

I remember stopping what we were doing, and sitting at the foot of the motel room bed, listening to the President's words. "...Therefore, I shall resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President at that hour in this office..."

At 9 years old, I don't think I understood exactly how things had gotten to that point, or what the historical significance of the event was. But I did understand the gist of what the President was doing and saying. And I realized that what was happening was big. Really big.

What I Did for My Summer Vacation This Year, by Chaotic Hammer

2008-10-13T11:25:00.004-05:00

I took a vacation from writing blogs (but I did still read blogs). I went running a lot. I did some swimming. I worked a lot. I mowed the lawn a lot. And a bunch of other stuff.

Oh, and I also went with my wife to eastern Kentucky and saw Seth working with the theater orchestra, and saw Amber do an amazing job as Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz and as Diana in A Chorus Line. It was really neato. And while we were there, we totally relaxed and enjoyed some time away and stuff. I also didn't blog while I was there.

I saved up all the many wonderful experiences and memories from this summer, so that I could blog about them when I started blogging again. And so here I am, blogging again. I wrote this blog post sharing all those things with you. I hope you enjoyed reading about my summer vacation. The end.

To Feel, and Not Think

2008-05-19T23:09:00.004-05:00

I can't turn off my brain. It fires constantly at high speed, when I'm awake and when I'm asleep. I use logic and reason for everything, it seems. I like to say I'm pragmatic, when I take lofty ideas and dreams that people have, and drag them back down to earth where they belong. This is mostly how I've always been.

Sure, I've sat behind a drum kit, and felt something that almost wasn't even me, that compelled me to ride the feeling like a wave. Afterward, my head light and tingling, I wondered where that came from. But it didn't last long.

For the last few years, I've gradually lost interest in art and music, or at least lost appreciation for them. There are still a few faint echoes of distant remembrance; but mainly cold indifference.

I've wondered if there's some reason for this dearth of creativity; if perhaps it's leading to some wonderful new place or revelation, or something even better than it ever was before. But maybe there's not. Maybe there's something wrong with me, or I'm really missing out on something. Or maybe this is a normal stage of life. I'm not sure.

I'm not really asking for an answer to this. I'm not even sure there's a question anywhere here. I'm just making a few honest observations.

But lately, I don't know. For somebody who thinks too much and feels too little, I sure have been spending a lot of time not thinking at all. I can't seem to find the energy to wrap my mind around deep thoughts or ideas which formerly enticed me so much. I'm craving simplicity, and I seem to be finding it.

I wake up in the morning thinking "Okay, Lord, the day is yours. What do you have in mind?" And if there's no answer, then I proceed like normal, expecting the answer to appear sooner or later. I'm mostly just resting in the goodness that I'm experiencing right now. I have been engaged in healthy self-doubt, in the sense that I question the value of my own attempts to make good things happen. If I'm going to give away something worthwhile to somebody, it needs to be empowered by God, not full of my own attempts to manufacture what seems good.

If the full extent of the Lord's plan for my day is to be in the right place at the right time to say five words to somebody I see in the supermarket, and then to simply rest in Him for the remainder of the day, I'm alright with that. If I'm being obedient, I have no way of knowing what that person had been dealing with, how God may have used those five words to change somebody's entire direction for the day and maybe longer, and to lead them closer to Him. I know this might sound like a stilted sense of self-importance on my part, but I really don't think it is, if I'm trusting Him to make things happen that need to happen. I believe in Divine appointments and the leading of the Spirit. I've lost confidence in just launching out on my own, doing the best I can, if it doesn't involve trusting God first.

I'm not sure where this walk is headed, but I trust that God is in control and I'm expecting Him to do what needs to be done.

Surfacing

2008-05-13T19:31:00.003-05:00

Wow. So uh, here we go again. That thing bloggers do that I sorta don't like. I don't like it when others do it, and I particularly don't like it when I do it -- which is way too often.

You know what I'm talking about. The "Hey people I haven't blogged in a while, I've been busy with life and yadda-yadda" post.

So you know the drill. I'm still alive. Still reading my feeds. Not commenting on other blogs much these days. The sun is out a lot more. Life is good. Yadda-yadda.

Bits of Soul Runoff

2008-04-17T20:24:00.003-05:00

Why do we so often fail to see the beauty that constantly surrounds us? We despise the familiar, and search for something new, just because we can.

We learn early on the thrill of acquiring that which we do not have; yet it turns to dust and crumbles between our fingers.

The days are long; the weeks are short; the years sneak quietly past. The chances we have to sit at the table and look into the faces of those we love are numbered. But still we find time to excuse ourselves from the table, to dig through the old crate in the attic. Our bony fingers tremble, moving gold coins and precious pearls out of the way as we search for plastic cups to hold our water. And still we go away thirsty.

I can't explain it, really.

I'm Not Hip

2008-04-10T12:43:00.004-05:00

It's time that I face it. I'm just not hip.

In fact, I'm so not hip, that I still use words like "hip".

My friend Jim has made yet another entry about Twitter, mentioning again how he just doesn't get it. And I agree with him. I've gone to people's Twitter pages. I see what it does and how it works. But I just don't get it either.

I'm a hardcore geek at heart. My first introduction to a personal computer was a friend's Apple IIe in the mid-80's, where you would insert a floppy disk and wait a few minutes for the program to load. I was immediately hooked. By the early 90's, I was assembling hardware and installing operating systems on computers as a hobby, and operating a dial-up BBS.

Today, I work professionally in high tech. I build server farms, manage computer networks all over North America, and get to play with racks full of some of the coolest hardware you've ever seen in your life.

I have no problem "keeping up" with the technology itself, or understanding all the possible uses and functions it can provide. But for some reason, I feel like I've reached some sort of threshold of interest in continuing to follow each new technological fad or trend.

It's a wonder that I even have a blog. I only have a cell phone because my job wants me to be available if servers go down after business hours or on weekends. I don't text message, or snap photos with my phone, or browse the internet while away from my desktop computer. When I told my friend Seth that I wouldn't know what to do with an iPhone if I had one, he started telling me how nifty the interface was, and how it was much simpler than I imagined. I had to explain that it's not knowing how to work it that I didn't get -- that part comes quite easily to me. It's why I would want to in the first place. I just can't think of any practical use for it, and I would be creating new things to do, just to make use of it.

At this point someone will no doubt object that "I bet you never thought you'd find a use for [insert some common gadget or appliance I take for granted] at first, but now you can't imagine living without it." And you'd probably be right.

So yeah, this is quite an arbitrary and fuzzy threshold I've reached -- but I've reached it nonetheless. For the moment, I'm pretty content with blogging, using e-mail, viewing photos or watching videos, and occasionally staying in touch with friends and family on a couple of social networking sites, like MySpace and Facebook (though I've found that these quickly grow quite wearisome for me).

New things creep into our lives gradually. I don't think we'll even know it when we've become so invested in the use of gadgets that they are driving us, instead of the other way around. In fact, that's probably already happened, and we don't even realize it.

Every Heart Has a Story

2008-04-04T12:32:00.004-05:00

Lately, I've been pondering the idea that every single person is a story in motion, still being written.

Each and every one of us really is living in a story, complete with interesting characters, fascinating settings, and twisting, turning plots that would make any writer's head spin. We are the characters in others' stories, and they in ours. And all of us in God's bigger story.

I feel like the Lord is trying to teach me how to listen to these stories. When I talk to somebody, I'm learning to allow myself to hear everything they are saying, and not to impose something into the story that isn't really there.

I've always had the bad habit of sizing a person up before I even hear the first word out of their mouth. If it turns out they are pretty close to the mold I had already set, then mission accomplished -- I've already got things basically figured out, and don't have to give it any more thought. If they turn out to be something completely different than I expected, that may interest me for a moment while I size things up again and look for the right container. Ah, there it is. Problem solved.

Do you hear how utterly dehumanizing that is? I'm sorry to have to admit that I function like this so much of the time. With the Lord's help, it's something I'm trying to change.

I'm finding that when I listen to the story, there are always unexpected elements there. I now understand why the person behind the counter was so curt, when I realize that her car was just repossessed, and her dearly beloved aunt died yesterday. People will generally not be forthcoming with this sort of information, but I think it's easy to find there, if I listen closely.

If I'm going to live this way, I'm going to need lots of time to listen. You see, we've been taught to be so busy, moving from one task to another, that we rarely take the time to stop and just listen to the stories all around us.

Prayers of a Young Man -- Part 1

2008-04-01T09:50:00.009-05:00

I spent my adolescence looking for God. Like other kids, I had strong, irresistible impulses and emotions that led to lots of exploration and experimentation, much of it foolish and harmful. But the burning desire to know about the true nature of our very existence, and to understand the purpose of life (if there was one) was the strong undertow and recurring theme that drove much of my passion during that time.

I had rejected the Christianity of my parents early on in the process, and proceeded to give serious and sincere audience to just about every other alternative out there. Imagine my surprise when, at the age of seventeen, after a fruitless and wearisome journey, I ended up right back where I started; deciding that Jesus was not only real and alive, but was central to the very essence of Reality and Life itself.

My early years as a Christian were marked by a deep passion for what I had found. What I lacked in wisdom and understanding, I largely managed to make up for with raw enthusiasm and sincerity. I would fast for several days at a time -- no small feat for a skinny kid with hamster-on-a-wheel metabolism. I couldn't get enough of reading my Bible. The words there were alive and deep and meaningful to someone who had hungered so deeply for Truth, and had finally found it.

During that time period, I was moved and influenced by preachers, writers, and artists who emphasized compassion, holiness, death to self, love for lost souls, and love for God's people -- for example, Leonard Ravenhill, David Wilkerson, and Keith Green. I still remember some of the very passionate and earnest prayers that I prayed to God: That He would seize my life and use me for His glory; that He would break my heart and refine me with His holy fire to make me pure; that He would grant me supernatural understanding of His deepest and most hidden truths; that He would remove all the wicked and sinful tendencies that I was constantly struggling with and couldn't seem to overcome; and that He do all this even if it hurt, and even if my flesh resisted.

That's some pretty strong and heady stuff, any way you look at it. While some of my thoughts and motives during that time were amiss, and though I still had a lot to learn about life in general, the truth is that my heart really was in the right place. But I had no idea how deep or how wide the things I was asking for really were. And though I believe those were prayers that pleased God and that He was willing to answer, in hindsight I'm grateful that He chose to answer them in completely different ways and completely different timetables than I was expecting when I originally prayed them. (To be continued...)

Heartbroken

2008-03-30T20:50:00.003-05:00

I consider myself a pretty stoic person. Well, actually I know better because I live on the inside of my walls. But I'm generally pretty good about keeping up that appearance. Even my wife buys it, and she knows me better than anyone else.

So I have to admit that it surprises me how much I have been hurt by the death of my Miniature Schnauzer, Teddy. I've only had the little guy since August of 2007, so that shouldn't be enough time to get all that attached, right?

Teddy spent most of his life, nearly twelve years, with some old military friends of ours (the wife is Navy, the husband is Army). They have a couple of acres near Jacksonville, Florida where Teddy was mostly an outdoor dog. But as Teddy started to get older and they were both deployed elsewhere, we agreed to have him come live with us so he could retire and live out his days indoors, in ease and luxury.

Anyway, Teddy quickly worked his way deeply into our affections when he arrived here. He was extremely good-natured, lovable, and smart, with a gentle disposition. He has been my constant companion, spending all day with me here in my home office, and giving me a great excuse to get up from the computer screen during the work day and go for walks outside.

Several weeks ago Teddy was diagnosed with Cushing's Disease, and though we tried treatment, it turned out that he also had several other conditions that made him deteriorate rapidly. He quickly went from what seemed like a fairly normal elderly dog to an ill-looking skin-and-bones mess that could barely stand up or walk around. So we made the hard decision to go ahead and euthanize him, to minimize his suffering and mercifully hasten what would otherwise be a senselessly painful final few weeks of life.

I took Teddy to the vet for the last time yesterday, and was present when he was given the lethal dose. The vet was very gentle with the procedure, and Teddy passed quickly and painlessly. I brought the body home and buried him under the biggest tree in our yard. I had already dug the hole a few weeks earlier, and I'm glad I did because otherwise an already unpleasant experience would have been much worse.

Being there as the last breath left my little canine friend, carrying his body out into the yard and putting him in a hole, burying him on a cool and rainy day -- you would think that these parts would be difficult. But looking back, it was like I was on autopilot, doing what needed to be done without stopping to consider the pain of it.

The hardest part was coming back into the house, hoping to hear the jingling tags on his collar, expecting to be greeted at the door by excitement beyond compare like so many times before -- but being greeted by silence. Deep, penetrating silence that cut my heart like a knife. That silence has been my constant companion since yesterday morning when all this happened, and I can't seem to shake the horrible sense of loss and pain I feel inside.

If you're like me, at this point you're probably reading this and thinking "Get over it man, it's just a dog." And I understand that. I've had pets all my life, and this is just part of what goes along with getting attached to them. I'm sure the pain will subside over the next few days and weeks. But I guess I'm just struck by how strongly this whole thing has unexpectedly affected me and my stone cold unfeeling self. I feel like I should be using this compassion on people, and important problems in the world -- not on the loss of one little dog. But knowing that and actually experiencing it are two different things.

This experience is certainly making me feel more empathy towards other people, and reminding me to comfort them in their pains and struggles, even over little things that I may not understand. I'm so often driven by logic and reason, and as terrible as it sounds, sometimes wonder if I even still have a heart at all. Now I know I have a heart, because it's broken.

Leeches

2008-03-25T18:42:00.005-05:00

In my previous post, I mentioned that despite feeling good about my decision not to attend Sunday morning church services, there are still a few concerns I have that I think are worth mentioning.

I was raised with a strong sense of social responsibility. That is to say that as a general principle, anything I'm engaged in that involves community should cause me to endeavor to put more into it than I get back from it. You can apply this principle to personal relationships, small groups of friends, clubs or organizations, and continue upward into local and state government, national government, and finally all of mankind. I think that most reasonable people could agree that if everyone truly abided by this principle, the world would be a better place.

I like to think that by and large, I have done a pretty decent job of abiding by this principle. It is with this in mind that I admit the first concern I have about not attending the big church: Am I benefiting from the work and sacrifice of others, who are part of the institutional church, while putting nothing back into it myself?

My wife is currently attending an intensive two-year through-the-Bible study that has been amazing and life-changing for her. I'm not sure who wrote and distributed the materials, but it is sponsored by and held at the big church, at a fairly minimal cost to us.

I've mentioned before that even the small group that we attend, and consider our "church", is affiliated with the big church. I very much appreciate the fact that the big church does not micromanage this in any way, or mandate any aspect of the small group. Ours is attended by people who attend other churches, or no church at all, and the big church is perfectly fine with this. They offer general help and guidance upon request, but seem willing to trust the leaders of the small groups to use their own judgment about what the members need.

Most of the community outreach projects that we take part in are either started by, or supported by, the big church. They are great about using things like e-mail chains to make people aware of service opportunities or special needs that arise. If there were no centrally located church organization, I'm not sure exactly how much of this stuff we would find out about, and how much of it would get done at all.

So are we being leeches by benefiting from the work of others in some way, while putting nothing back in? Comments are welcome, and don't worry about hurting my feelings. As I've already mentioned, I'm sincere about the questions I'm asking. I'm just trying to find my way to the heart of Jesus the best I can. If I've gotten way off track, I'm open to correction. At this point, this "not going to church" thing is not a hill I'm willing to die on.

We Went to "Church"

2008-03-24T16:10:00.004-05:00

I think it was Good Friday when my wife said to me, "Hey, it's Easter time. Do you want to go to church on Sunday?"

And I said, "Sure, why not?"

So we did.

See, the thing is, we haven't been attending Sunday morning services for the last few months. I discussed this on a recent post. This is a decision that both myself and my wife have been quite comfortable with.

Technically, the small group we attend is affiliated with this larger church. It's a very nice church. Good, solid Bible teaching, emphasis on missions and community outreach, and always a rad and super-tight music thing on Sunday morning. They have cool videos and a great sound system. As far as Sunday morning church goes, this seems about as good as you'll find anywhere around this area.

Anyway, after the service we discussed how we felt about it, and decided we both still very much like our decision not to attend Sunday morning church. We read about ten times as much Scripture and Bible-teaching on our own as what we hear from the preacher/teacher guy during a monologue. We aren't really into the music there as an expression of what we consider "praise" or "worship" to the Lord. We give away more money than a tithe or offering would amount to, and we know for certain that what we give is going directly to meet needs in our community and around the world. We are actively involved in the messy lives of all the real, actual people we can handle. When additional service opportunities are brought to our attention, we gladly donate our time and energy to those. And the list goes on and on.

I'm fully aware of the objections that people can and do raise to this approach we're taking. I'm not defensive in addressing those, and do still have a few lingering concerns that I'll address on a later post.

In the end, both my wife and I chuckled at the notion -- "Maybe we'll attend church only on Easter and Christmas. We'll be those kind of Christians."

That statement is ironic, and bears no resemblance to what it would have meant to either of us just a few years ago.

Someday

2008-03-18T17:09:00.004-05:00

Someday I'll have a strong prayer life. For now, it seems like I spend a lot of my day thinking about the Lord, and pondering things, and communicating with Him more by feelings and thoughts and experiences than by words spoken aloud. I'd like to have a dedicated prayer closet, with a couple of well-worn places where my knees have been. I'd like to see miraculous transformations all around me -- the result of spending serious time wrestling with God and winning.

Someday I'll really dig in and read my Bible, and understand it all, and be able to apply it all practically. For now, reading certain parts seems a chore, and I just can't seem to get one of those disciplined daily-reading plans off the ground. So I mostly jump around, or stumble randomly into reading a chapter or section that seems relevant at the moment, and sounds vaguely familiar.

Someday I'll fulfill my creative potential -- take all the talents the Lord has given me out of storage, and exercise them again. I'm sure they're still in there somewhere. For now, I mourn daily the utter dearth of imagination that I've suffered in the last several years. Artistic block is one thing; the apparent death of half my brain seems like quite another.

Someday, I'll be the kind of husband my wife deserves -- loving, romantic, strong, thinking only of her and her well-being. For the moment, I'm selfish, and never seem to be able to express my love for her like I know I should. There never seem to be enough hours in the day to do all the wonderful things with her that I imagine I could. When we have free time, I look at her, and she looks at me, and we shrug and wonder if we're boring. We're deeply in love, more with each passing day -- but maybe we should be doing something more.

Someday, I think we'd like to be missionaries in a far away land. I have friends that have done it, and I comprehend the beauty and wonder of watching people in other cultures hear the Gospel for the very first time, and of seeing them come to know the Lord with an innocence and sincerity that sounds refreshing to my weary, cynical American mind. For now, I have obligations that keep me where I am, and I'm content to be where I find myself. Probably not the kind of obligations you're thinking, if you think I'm working to acquire more stuff. It's not that. These are more along the lines of people that are relying on me, and I'm okay with that. I'm honored to be a critical part of the support structure for the people that I love.

Someday I'll exercise more and get in great shape, and floss daily, and help little old ladies across the street, and love my neighbor. Right now, I'm just too busy with, you know, life and stuff. I'm sure grateful for Jesus, and for God's grace. Grace covers me where I am -- right here, right now.

Someday I'll write the perfect blog post. For now, this one will have to do.

Snipe Hunt

2008-03-10T22:36:00.004-05:00

Growing up, I was in Cub Scouts, then Webelos, and finally Boy Scouts. Though I never really excelled in these or became highly decorated, I did have a lot of fun in them. One of the most fun activities I remember was going on camp outs. For a growing boy, there was something magical about packing up some survival gear, a tent, and a bunch of snacks, then heading to the deep woods for a few days with a fraternal order.

On one particular camp out, my next door neighbor Greg and I were introduced to something called a "snipe hunt". Snipes, we were told, are small birds that live in the forest, and dwell mostly on the ground. The idea was that one group of boys would spot the snipes, and then chase these birds directly toward us. We had a bag for catching the snipes, and were supposed to scoop them up as they came our way.

In case you haven't heard of this or figured it out by now, the whole thing is a ruse. While there apparently really is a bird called the snipe, there weren't any snipes anywhere near our camp grounds. Ultimately, the idea was to lead a couple of young newbies out into the deep woods, then tell them to "wait here for the snipes and scoop them up", then to head immediately back to camp and sit around laughing, wondering how long it would take for the poor idiots to figure out they'd been had. If well-executed, the dupes would also be pretty well lost, since they were led deep into the woods in a completely unfamiliar area -- meaning it could take hours for them to make their way back to base camp.

Anyway, Greg and I heard buzz about this "snipe hunt" for the entire day leading up to it. We were told how delicious ("like chicken") they were, and how much fun it was to bag them. I'm not sure about Greg, but I was genuinely suspicious right from the start. I had never heard of such a bird, and couldn't quite believe that the presented method of hunting could actually work. As the time drew near and we headed out, something just didn't seem right. The other boys seemed to be having a hard time containing their giggles and glee, and seemed like they were trying a little too hard to sell us on the whole "snipe" thing. But for whatever reason, we decided to play along anyway and head out with them to the appointed hunting grounds.

Sure enough, it was a long walk, deep into an obscure area of the woods. There Greg and I stood, bags in hand, and off went the other boys to "chase the snipes our way". I don't think we were there for even 30 seconds when I announced to Greg that we'd been had, just like I knew we would, and that we had better start back to camp so we didn't end up looking like idiots. He agreed, and so off we headed.

At some point, we appeared to be making pretty good time, and the thought actually crossed our minds to try and beat the others back to camp. "Imagine," we thought, "the looks on their faces when they see us sitting there waiting for them." But unfortunately, we didn't know the quickest or most direct route back to camp, so eventually we had to abandon that plan. We did get back mere minutes after everyone else had arrived, and naturally told them that we knew there were never any snipes, and that we just played along for the fun of it. But at some level, there's just no saving face when you've been led out for a snipe hunt. So you laugh along with the others and shrug it off, and in some strange way, you're now a little closer to the mystical inner circle of camaraderie that only boys can share.

If you've heard a lot of good sermons, or read a lot of witty short stories by good authors, you realize by now that this final paragraph is where I present the great life lesson behind my experiences -- the "moral of the story", if you will. And this particular story, about the snipe hunt, is no doubt chock-full of great possibilities in this regard. But you know what? I really don't have anything in mind here. Never did. No point to make; no great underlying truth. Just a story from a boyhood memory. Sometimes a snipe hunt really is just a snipe hunt.

Church and Fellowship

2008-03-09T12:33:00.005-05:00

Jim has been pondering the subject of "fellowship" lately -- namely, how it fits (or doesn't fit) into the larger context of our church experience.

I have mixed feelings about this and related subjects, but do have some thoughts I'll try to capture here. My feelings are "mixed" because I'm currently in the process of trying to settle on what "church" means, and what my part in it is. I'm aware of the whole "we are the Body of Christ" thing, and agree that it's bad to be separated from the Body, or to harm, neglect, or disrespect the corporate manifestation of Christ-followers currently on earth. When we start asking questions about what church is and isn't, those who are content with the more traditional models seem quick to point this out.

For the last few months, my family* has chosen not to attend Sunday-morning church services. When I first became a Christian in the early 80's, it was my belief that the spiritual state of believers could be gaged pretty accurately based on their church attendance, or lack thereof. Those who were backslidden had no interest in being around Christians or church, so they would stop showing up, and eventually reports would surface that they had fully returned to their old lifestyle.

At the risk of sounding like I'm trying to justify our decision not to attend Sunday morning services, I'll be honest here -- our spiritual state and relationships with other members of the Body of Christ are better now than ever before. That fact doesn't automatically mean that we can declare success, or start promoting our "church model" as being superior to the more traditional models.

What has worked for us, for several years now, is basically the "small group" as our primary expression of church. We did this when we lived in California, and when we moved to Tennessee, we managed to get "plugged in" to the same scenario here. What I'm referring to is not a once-per-week meeting, or some sort of coerced or contrived program. We do meet weekly, to sing, pray, take Communion, study the Bible, and just generally converse and communicate. But what I'm really talking about is a group of believers who have decided to live lives fully committed to one another. We can admit our faults and sins, acknowledge who we really are and how we really feel about things, and know that the underlying commitment will not cease. We take meals to one another during sickness or family crisis, act as emergency babysitters, share personal possessions in common for one another's benefit, we get together for meals, parties and other social events, and we do various service projects and neighborhood outreach things together (sorry -- I'm sure somebody somewhere just yelled "Bingo!" after this paragraph).

I don't mean to over-idealize this. It's messy, imperfect, and doesn't always function in a healthy or beneficial way. But I am being honest and transparent when I say that I believe every member of our group would agree that it's been tremendously beneficial overall, and certainly is the most intimate intersection between our individual, personal faith in Jesus and our need to share that faith experience with other believers.

*My family means my wife and me. Our only child has moved out of the house, and it's possible that we might be making different choices in many areas of our life if we had children in our household right now.

Does This Excite You?

2008-02-26T11:08:00.003-06:00

After these wonderful revelations, I can hardly wait to get to Heaven.

I hear it's even bigger than New York City.

HT:RI

Half a World Away

2008-02-14T23:39:00.002-06:00

I've been following all the Compassion bloggers in Uganda this week, eagerly reading each and every blog entry as they trickle into my reader. If you're just hearing about this, I highly recommend visiting some of these blogs to see what all the fuss is about!

Time and time again the things I'm seeing and hearing tug at my heart. We sponsor four children, but before hearing these reports, I really don't think I grasped the full impact of the work Compassion does. It doesn't just effect the children we sponsor, but also has a profound effect on the entire families of the sponsored children.

Please visit this post by Shaun Groves to watch a brief video that shows exactly what a world-shaking difference each and every one of us can make.

And if you don't already do so, please consider sponsoring a child through Compassion International today!

I Can Only Imagine

2008-02-12T23:59:00.003-06:00

Choosing Compassion

2008-02-10T10:41:00.001-06:00

One of the first things I'd like to address here is why my family has chosen to make Compassion International a ministry and cause that we wholeheartedly support. The longer I've had interactions with Compassion, the more impressed and amazed I've been by them. If you've ever considered sponsoring a child or getting involved, but just weren't sure, I hope you'll consider some of the things that helped us in deciding on Compassion International.

The first and easiest reason I can give is that the effects of sponsoring a child through Compassion are immediate and tangible. I'm saving the specifics about our sponsored children for later posts, but if you've worked hard and made sacrifices to provide for your family like I have, then it's important to you that the stewardship of your giving is in hands that can be trusted, and which truly honors the Lord and makes a difference in our world. Compassion does not just use a child's face to lure you into giving to a "general fund" of some sort, and then pull a bait-and-switch once you've begun your giving. They literally put you in direct contact with a specific child, and your involvement in that child's life has visible effects. Studies have shown that this approach is much more successful than a nameless/faceless entity that shows up and drops off some food and water and then just leaves. This is a long-term ongoing commitment in the life of a specific child, and it is really quite an amazing and effectual thing.

One specific example of this sponsor-to-child relationship I'd like to mention, which we've enjoyed very much, is giving a child gift or family gift through Compassion. You are allowed to give a dollar amount, over and above your normal sponsorship, that goes to your child or your child's family. 100% of this gift goes directly to them. We've been privileged to receive letters and photos back from our kids, telling us of their very exciting day at the market, and showing us the beautiful new clothes and other items they purchased with the gift money.

Another reason we've chosen Compassion is that we are extremely confident that we can trust them. Compassion is constantly getting high marks with all the ministry watchdog agencies, and even better than that, I've personally had direct dealings with the folks at Compassion, and with people who know the inner workings there. It all paints a clear picture of an organization which, from top to bottom, operates with absolute integrity -- and more importantly, that this is a group of people who truly love what they do and want to be the best they can.

Finally, there is one more aspect of giving through Compassion which, in my mind, is the single strongest argument to be made. That is simply this -- the best gift I can possibly give, and the most critical need in the world, is Jesus. Compassion teaches these children from a very young age about the love of Christ, and demonstrates it in the most practical way possible. Knowing that these little ones are being filled with hope and joy through the Gospel is by far the most rewarding part of this entire experience for me!

Something to Blog About

2008-02-01T10:06:00.000-06:00

After a long, self-imposed break from blogging, I finally have something which has drawn me back into doing it again.

This month is blog month at Compassion International, and I feel very strongly about the great work they do, so I've decided to add my "voice" to their cause.

My wife and I sponsor four children through Compassion, and I will be taking some time over the next few weeks talking about each one of our children, and telling you about my experience as a child sponsor.

Also this month, Compassion is taking 15 Christian bloggers to see the ministry's work firsthand. You can read their blogs and get an insider's view of Compassion as the bloggers send live updates. I will be highlighting and linking to some of my favorite posts from this group.

Long Time No Blog

2007-09-29T14:43:00.000-05:00

For me, blogging (writing a blog, that is) seems to be such a laborious and self-conscious activity. I did a couple of blog entries last year (here and here) where I analyzed various blogs I enjoy, and why the writers of those blogs write them.

I gladly participated in, and tremendously enjoyed, The 40 Day Fast. I felt like blogging took on a higher purpose, and allowed a large group of people to focus on real needs in the world and how we can meet those needs, instead of being so self-focused.

But all anyone needs to do is look backwards through the full collection of my blog entries, and you'll notice that... well, for starters, there really aren't that many of them. I could say something about "quality not quantity" here, but it wouldn't be sincere. The real reason, it seems, is that I still can't find a purpose for doing this. I could do it. It's not impossible, and I certainly don't mean to sound whiny or upset about what I'm saying here. I have had fellow bloggers compliment my writing and encourage me to do more. In fact, in the back of my mind, I keep hearing my high school Creative Writing teacher's words to me when I graduated: "You have a real and genuine talent for writing. Please don't disappear into the woodwork and never let anyone ever hear from you again." I knew what she meant -- she was encouraging me to cultivate the gift, and not let it languish unused.

But frankly, I seem to be much better at reading blogs than writing blogs. "Well, of course," you might say, "that's a passive activity that doesn't involve creativity or passion or participation." But I do enjoy participating. I enjoy commenting (especially long comments!). I enjoy interacting with the people who write the blogs, and letting them know when I agree or when I disagree. I enjoy exploring the subjects they have started discussion on, and very much enjoy the feedback and give-and-take of blog-based conversation.

I feel like for every thought I have that I could blog about, there are already twenty other bloggers out there who have already written on that subject, and likely done it better or more thoroughly. Again, I need to emphasize that I'm not saying this to sound like I'm down on myself. I'm not struggling with personal significance or relevance. I have a very good sense of who I am, and more importantly, I feel like I am genuinely growing in a knowledge and understanding of who Jesus is, and how that affects every aspect of my life.

But I can't get over the sensation that I'm artificially contriving something when I write -- that I'm breaking no ground, achieving nothing substantially useful. That is, that I'm writing merely for the sake of writing.

And speaking as a reader of many blogs, one of the important things that seems to make them better is when they are written regularly. It doesn't have to be every day, but I don't like reading blogs (like mine) where most entries start out with an apology for how long it's been since I last blogged. When one does not blog regularly, then when a new entry is created, it often goes unnoticed, because nobody bothers to visit any more.

I know plenty of other bloggers who have just sort of stopped blogging. Usually, they don't say that's what they are doing. They typically leave some entry there at the top of their blog, and it's several months old, and eventually they get dropped from my blog roll. No point in visiting when there's nothing going on.

So by now, you may be wondering -- "Are you trying to tell us that you don't intend to blog any more?"

Well, I don't know. I guess I don't want to exclude the possibility of ever writing another blog entry. But I also don't want to do something half-heartedly, or out of contrived obligation. For the moment, I guess this entry can act as sort of a final entry, and a placeholder for possible future entries.

So, yes, I am currently not planning on writing new blog entries. I have Google Reader getting feeds from about 25 different blogs, each of which I read regularly and enjoy very much, and I typically comment on about half of those. I have real-life friends (e.g. Seth and Amber, those rad New Yorkers who we can't wait to visit again!) who I continue to interact with largely through blogging. So don't be sad. I'll see you all around -- you know, in the cyber sense of "see".

Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Man

2007-09-07T19:59:00.000-05:00

The title of this post is pretty much baloney.

I'm much more of a homebody than a traveler, and rarely seem to venture outside my normal routine. But considering that the last time I posted, I was going to California, one could get the impression that I travel a lot or something.

This week, I am on a rare, but probably much-needed, vacation. We will be driving to Pennsylvania and Virginia to spend several days with family (some of whom I have not seen in over 10 years, in fact), and taking a brief-but-exciting tour through New York City between stops. Lord willing, it is our intention to spend much of our NYC time in the company of Seth and Amber of Five Cent Stand and FancyPants Factory fame.

We will be driving, so one of the oddest things about this trip will be parking our vehicle in New Jersey and taking a train over to Manhattan. We could drive in, but most of the reasonable-sounding advice we've received is that it's much more pleasant using the public transportation and not having to worry about traffic, parking, theft, etc.

Once again, I'm sure my public will eagerly await my return to Tennessee.

Going Back to Cali

2007-08-06T20:33:00.000-05:00

Even though I live in Tennessee and work for a company based in California, I rarely have to actually travel to California. But this week, that rare exception is occurring, and I'm off to the Golden State, where I'll be staying for about five days. I'll primarily be staying in the Monterey-Salinas area.

It's mostly for business, but hopefully this trip will also involve visiting with some old friends. And eating some real Mexican food. (I love living in Tennessee, but what we have here that is called "Mexican food" mostly isn't).

I still hope to do a wrap-up of my thoughts and feelings following The 40 Day Fast. But like my favorite superhero Brant, I've been addicted to playing a lot of "First Life" lately.

It seems like the blogosphere has been a little slow lately. I think that's pretty normal this time of year, with summer being in full swing and everyone traveling and taking vacations, or swimming or hiking, or whatever else. Looks like we'll be doing all that vacation stuff later in August or early in September this year. My wife has never been to Pennsylvania (or anyplace else in that general vicinity), and I have a lot of family up that way, and a sister who lives in Northern Virginia. We're still trying to figure out who is going to travel where to see whom, and who will be hosting what, and on which date it will all be occurring, and all that. (My wife is much better at all the planning and figuring schedules out. So I'll just let her do her magic).

Not sure if I'll have time to blog from California -- but if not, I'm sure my public will eagerly await my return.

Useless trivia for the day: Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.

The 40 Day Fast - DAY 40

2007-07-31T18:13:00.001-05:00

Today is the final day of The 40 Day Fast. Today's featured blogger is Toby, who is talking about ways that we can show love and support to American troops who are in harm's way. Please read Toby's post today.

Also, because this is the final day, Kat (the wonderful young lady who organized The 40 Day Fast) is inviting anyone else who wants to be part of this to join in fasting today, or to get involved in any one of the causes which have been highlighted during these last 40 days. She has also been continuing with the momentum by organizing the purchase of goats for needy families.

In the next few days, I hope to post a few thoughts here about what this experience meant to me, but briefly I'll just say that it has truly and genuinely been moving and life-changing -- and I intend to continue with the momentum that has been started here, by remaining aware of the many needs that are all around me, as well as all around the world.

Thanks and Kudos to anyone and everyone who got involved in this effort!

The 40 Day Fast - Tressa

2007-07-30T18:17:00.000-05:00

Tressa is today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast. She has an excellent and touching post about the Dalit people in India -- Tressa and her family traveled to India to minister to them last December. She is highlighting an organization called Global Spectrum. Please visit Tressa's blog today.

The 40 Day Fast - Charla

2007-07-28T18:26:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Charla. She is highlighting an organization called World Gospel Outreach that is working to reach the people of Honduras with the Gospel. Please visit Charla's blog today.

The 40 Day Fast - Ted

2007-07-27T17:04:00.000-05:00

Ted is today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast. He has an excellent post about being overwhelmed by the gravity of the statistics regarding problems in the world, but how he overcame that and was moved to action. Please read Ted's blog today.

The 40 Day Fast - Kat's Mom and Heather

2007-07-26T18:09:00.001-05:00

Today we have two different bloggers for the 40 Day Fast. Both Kat's Mom and Heather are featured today. Kat's Mom is talking about Celine, the child that she sponsors through Compassion International. Heather is talking about getting our priorities in line, and realizing that it is important how we spend our time and resources. Please visit both of these bloggers today!

The 40 Day Fast - Carlos

2007-07-25T18:56:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Carlos. He is discussing the problem of child labor. The facts and numbers he has provided surrounding this issue are overwhelming. He will be making additional updates throughout the day, so please visit Carlos' site today. While you're there, I highly recommend spending some time on his site and taking a look around. Los is a fascinating and colorful character who loves the Lord, and serves Him with an original and unique style that is infectious.

The 40 Day Fast - Jessica

2007-07-24T18:10:00.000-05:00

Jessica is today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast. She is living less than a mile from the border of North Korea, and tells of the distressing and seemingly hopeless plight of the people in North Korea, who live under an oppressive and iron-fisted dictatorship. Please read Jessica's post today.

The 40 Day Fast - Dray

2007-07-23T21:47:00.001-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Dray. He reminds us of how blessed we are relative to the rest of the world, and that there are many great ways to get involved in helping out. Please visit Dray's blog today.

The 40 Day Fast - Erin Mount

2007-07-22T21:08:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Erin Mount. She shares her story about a young girl that she mentored through Big Brothers Big Sisters, and reminds us that loving the people who need it most is not always easy, but is critically important and has a huge impact on lives. Please visit Erin's site today.

The 40 Day Fast - Amy

2007-07-21T16:37:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Amy. She takes a shocking and heart-wrenching look at the victims of the worldwide sex slave trade. She is highlighting an organization called Shared Hope International that is working to eradicate the marketplaces of sexual slavery. Please visit Amy's blog today.

The 40 Day Fast - Brody Harper

2007-07-20T18:20:00.001-05:00

Brody Harper is today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast. He has an excellent post about the difference that we can all make in the lives of the children we sponsor through Compassion International. Please read Brody's post today.

The 40 Day Fast - Euphrony

2007-07-19T17:56:00.000-05:00

Euphrony is today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast. He gives a sobering historical reminder about the horrors that man can visit upon his fellow man, and then brings it close to home for each of us with a personal reminder to actively work against evil whenever we get opportunities. He then highlights two organizations that are working to change things. Please visit Euphrony's blog today.

The 40 Day Fast - Lorijo

2007-07-18T19:55:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Lorijo. She is discussing child sponsorship through an organization called Bridge of Hope, a ministry of Gospel for Asia. She has also posted a beautiful song called Prayer of the Children that you can listen to from her site. Please visit Lorijo's blog today.

The 40 Day Fast - Shawn

2007-07-17T12:12:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Shawn Wallace. Shawn has an excellent post regarding some very practical and immediate opportunities that each one of us has every day to show kindness and touch the lives of those around us. Be sure to visit Shawn's blog today.

The 40 Day Fast - Andrew Osenga

2007-07-16T21:32:00.000-05:00

Andrew Osenga is today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast. He has eye-opening and heartbreaking information about the Dalits in India. He is highlighting an organization called Dalit Freedom Network that is working to bring real change in the lives of these severely oppressed people. Please visit Andrew's blog today to read more.

The 40 Day Fast - Tim Harms

2007-07-15T15:13:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Tim Harms. He has a great post with some personal thoughts about examining our motives, and highlights an organization called Tom's Shoes. Please visit Tim's blog today.

The 40 Day Fast - Lucas Parry

2007-07-14T18:28:00.000-05:00

Lucas Parry is today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast. He shares some of the heartbreaking poverty that he has personally seen all over the world, and highlights an organization called Kiva that uses an ingenious method of getting help directly into the hands of those who need it most, to give them opportunities that they would not have otherwise. Please visit Lucas' blog today to learn more.

The 40 Day Fast - Michelle

2007-07-13T18:10:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Michelle. She has a great reminder that each one of us lives in the midst of a rich mission field each and every day. Please visit Michelle's blog today for another excellent and inspiring post.

The 40 Day Fast - Mark Jaffrey

2007-07-12T16:56:00.001-05:00

Mark Jaffrey is today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast. He works at a church in Cairo, Egypt and describes the plight of the South Sudanese refugees who have been fleeing to Egypt. Please read today's post and find out more about Mark's cause and his urgent prayer requests.

The 40 Day Fast - Marianne

2007-07-11T15:17:00.001-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Marianne. She does a great job of reminding us that each one of us can play a part in making a difference, but we have to get started first -- even if what we do seems like such a small part. Please visit Marianne's blog today.

The 40 Day Fast - Transition Pete

2007-07-10T11:57:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Transition Pete. Pete does a fantastic job, as he first makes an honest self-assessment and wants to make sure his heart is right before the Lord. Then, he has excellent information about an organization called Food for the Hungry. To top it all off, he has a great audio interview with Kim Cutler of Food for the Hungry, who has fascinating and helpful information from her experiences with helping to meet the needs of people around the world. Please visit Transition Pete's site today!

The 40 Day Fast - Scott

2007-07-09T10:14:00.000-05:00

Today Scott is the featured blogger. He is bringing attention to life in the colonias in south Texas, in one of the poorest areas of the entire U.S., as well as an organization that is working to assist the churches in the colonias. Please read Scott's blog today.

The 40 Day Fast - Todd

2007-07-08T16:03:00.000-05:00

Todd is today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast. He is bringing attention to the atrocities occurring in Darfur. Please visit Todd's blog today to read about this important cause, and some very good practical suggestions about how each of us can work to change what is happening there.

The 40 Day Fast - William Guice

2007-07-07T18:41:00.000-05:00

Today's featured blogger for the 40 Day Fast is William Guice. He is highlighting an organization called Kiva. I must admit that this is the first time I have heard of this organization, but the idea behind it is extremely intriguing. Please read today's post and join me in learning more about this compelling cause.

The 40 Day Fast - Valerie

2007-07-06T21:35:00.001-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Valerie. She shares a story about her experiences during hurricane Katrina, and offers suggestions for all of us to start making changes, in today's post.

The 40 Day Fast - Susanne

2007-07-05T11:15:00.000-05:00

Today's featured blogger is Susanne. She is featuring another great organization, called Bulgarian Child, that is doing the Lord's work in Bulgaria. Please visit Susanne's blog today to learn more about this organization and the great work they are doing.

The 40 Day Fast - Steven

2007-07-04T12:52:00.001-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Steven. He makes an impassioned and heartfelt plea to continue working on the great causes around the world that we have been highlighting thus far, but also to remember that we can all make an important difference right where we live. Please visit Steven's blog today and read a great message that serves as a great reminder on this day when people are having fun, relaxing, and celebrating Independence Day in the United States.

The 40 Day Fast - Jeremy Thiessen

2007-07-03T14:21:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Jeremy Thiessen. Not only is Jeremy a member of the totally rad band Downhere, but he's also a prolific blogger and genuinely good guy. Please visit Jeremy's blog for a very inspirational song and his featured cause for today. While you're there, be sure to bookmark Jeremy's site and return often!

The 40 Day Fast - Ryan G

2007-07-02T17:05:00.000-05:00

Ryan G is today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast. Ryan highlights the sad and needless suffering in the world caused by a lack of something we take for granted -- clean drinking water. He offers a way we can help through an organization that is helping to provide equipment and assistance for drilling wells in developing countries. Please visit Ryan's blog today to find out more about this vital need.

The 40 Day Fast - Truevyne

2007-07-01T20:01:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for the 40 Day Fast is Truevyne. She is highlighting the heartbreaking plight of children in China. Please visit Truevyne's blog today and also read an important follow-up that she wrote in regards to her cause and an organization that is working to change things.

The 40 Day Fast - Jeanine

2007-06-30T08:53:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for The 40 Day Fast is Jeanine. She works for Youth with a Mission, a great organization that I've been familiar with for many years, through various friends and acquaintances. Once again today, Jeanine's cause highlights heartbreaking and grim realities from our world, but also several different organizations that are working to change things. Please visit Jeanine's blog today and join us in another important way that we can make a difference in so many lives.

The 40 Day Fast - Stephen

2007-06-29T11:08:00.002-05:00

Today's fasting blogger is Stephen. He writes:

As we live in the tension of the already-and-not-yet of the Kingdom of God, as we embrace its paradoxical nature and hope and wait for everything to be made new, let us live our lives today as evidence of the redemptive work of Christ so that others may hear and see the echoes of His Kingdom in all we say and do.

I've had the pleasure of spending time with Stephen, and he is another young person who gives me tremendous hope for the next generation, and what they are doing for the Lord. Please visit Stephen's blog today and join him in rebelling against indifference, as he highlights another great cause.

The 40 Day Fast - Stephanie

2007-06-28T08:19:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for The 40 Day Fast is Stephanie. She is discussing a very important issue which, quite frankly, is oftentimes the elephant in the middle of the room that nobody sees, or wants to see. We have all had friends or family members affected by this (or perhaps you yourself were), and the need for help and healing is tremendous. Please read Stephanie's blog today and prayerfully consider what the Lord would have you do to become an agent of help, hope, healing, and change in the lives around you.

From Callousness to Healing

2007-06-27T00:01:00.000-05:00

When I decided to take part in The 40 Day Fast, I knew immediately what organization I wanted to highlight. I prayerfully considered, and God confirmed it in my heart.

But the cause I wanted to focus on that this organization was helping with was much tougher for me. Not tough to decide on -- once again, that was easy and I believe the Lord has impressed it upon me. But it's tough because I need to make a very humbling confession about it right up front: For most of my adult life, I have been extremely calloused, cynical, apathetic, and sometimes downright mean and hateful about it.

The area of need I will be discussing is HIV/AIDS. The organization is Compassion International.

As I was studying the statistics, I was quickly overwhelmed by the gravity of the problem, but I'd like to highlight a few quick facts:

Since the first case of AIDS was diagnosed in 1983, more than 25 million people have died from this deadly disease.

Every 14 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS.

More than 12 million African children and 15 million children worldwide have lost one or both parents to AIDS.

By 2010, it's projected that more than 25 million children worldwide will be orphaned by AIDS.

There are 14,000 new HIV infections each day: around 2,000 of those daily infections are in children younger than 15 years of age and 6,000 are in young people ages 15-24.

Currently, 38.6 million people in the world live with HIV; 24.5 million of those live in sub-Saharan Africa.

2.3 million children younger than 15 years of age live with HIV.

Nine out of 10 children living with AIDS are African.

Females are 12-20 percent more vulnerable to HIV transmission than males of the same ages.

Every minute a child under 15 dies of an AIDS-related illness.

Each month, more people die from AIDS than were killed in the Southeast Asia tsunami that shocked the world in late 2004.

Sources and lots of additional facts and information: Here, here, here, here, and here.

How We Can Help
Okay, so the statistics are sobering and grim. But the whole point of this is healing, hope, and solutions. Compassion is an excellent choice for many reasons: They are Christ-centered. They are child-focused. They are church-based. Compassion provides a unique opportunity to help because they build credible and lasting relationships with people in the affected communities. Some practical steps available:

-Please consider sponsoring a child in a HIV/AIDS affected area. As you browse the child profiles on the web site, these are the ones with the red ribbons on the photo.

-If you have Flash installed, Compassion has a very nice portal on their site which also highlights this cause, provides direct links to relevant pages, and has a nice "Send to a Friend" utility to make it easy to spread the word to your friends.

-You can make a donation to Compassion's AIDS Initiative, either a one-time gift or a monthly commitment to help care for AIDS orphans.

-My wife and I sponsor a girl named Lidya in Ethiopia (an HIV/AIDS affected area) whose father has died, and whose mother is very sick. Please join us in praying for Lidya and her mother.

As I mentioned at the beginning, I spent many years with what was quite frankly a wrong heart regarding the people suffering from HIV/AIDS. I was told it was a judgment from God against sinful sex, or drug use, and I chose to believe that there was nothing I could do about it anyway. I heard about it so often in the news that I chose to harden my heart and close my ears. Eventually, I had to repent and acknowledge that the heart of Jesus was broken over this, and that if I really want to be part of His ministry on the earth, I need to be willing to extend His Grace freely to others, just as He has done to me.

The 40 Day Fast - Kristin

2007-06-26T08:16:00.000-05:00

Today, Kristin is the featured blogger for The 40 Day Fast. I actually met Kristin in person some weeks back after church one Sunday morning. I wasn't expecting it, I was quite shocked to look up and see her and Brody walking in my direction, so we exchanged a few quick words, and I let her know that I am a reader of her blog. (What a great couple they are -- she's this cute little thing with big piercing eyes, and Brody looks like this big intimidating mountain-man who could probably be really scary if he wanted to. Okay, but he's not scary at all, he's like a big teddy bear or something... uh, yeah. But he could be scary, that's my point.)

Kristin is another great example of why I, as a member of a slightly older and often-cynical generation, still have so much hope for the future. Seriously. For somebody who is still very young, she has so much wisdom -- and has great advice about instilling important values in our children.

Please read Kristin's blog today, as well as additional excellent information she has provided about an organization called HEART.

The 40 Day Fast - Shaun Groves

2007-06-25T08:47:00.000-05:00

Today's blogger for The 40 Day Fast is Shaun Groves. I want to try and be careful not to fuss and gush too much over Shaun, but here's the simple and honest truth: Nobody has had more influence in my life in the last few years than Shaun. He often pokes good-natured fun at himself, and makes jokes about being a soft-rock star. And while Shaun's music is great, and I own his CDs, the truth is that I just generally don't listen to music that much these days. So it's not Shaun's music that has influenced me -- it's his writing.

Shaun is always challenging me, always challenging my preconceived notions about things, always asking pointed questions that have no easy answers, always inspiring me to dig a little deeper and to consider more carefully what the Kingdom of God really means to me, and what effect that Kingdom should be having on my life if I truly believe in Jesus like I say I do.

Please visit Shaun's blog today, and join me in being challenged and inspired.

The 40 Day Fast - SAM

2007-06-24T10:10:00.000-05:00

Todays' blogger for The 40 Day Fast is SAM. I have to admit that this is one of the things I'm really looking forward to during these 40 days, is getting to meet new people and be taught and challenged by new viewpoints. So please visit SAM's blog today and meet another person with an important story to tell, and important causes to highlight.

The 40 Day Fast - Brant Hansen

2007-06-23T09:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, things got off to a great start for The 40 Day Fast, as Kat highlighted the problem of hunger-related death in the world, and more importantly, offered a practical way that we can start to do something about it -- one child at a time, through Compassion International.

Today's fasting blogger is Brant Hansen. An important personal note for me regarding Brant is this: It was Brant's trip to Africa last year that deeply moved and challenged me to start sponsoring children at Compassion International. If you've never read that Journal, I highly recommend it.

Then, you need to visit Brant's blog today. Brant has traveled to some of the most poverty-stricken and hopeless places in the world, and is a fantastically talented writer. If you've never read Brant's blog before, please trust me when I say that you need to bookmark it, and return often. You'll be glad you listened to me.

The 40 Day Fast - Kat

2007-06-22T08:56:00.000-05:00

Today kicks off The 40 Day Fast. A group of bloggers, led by Kat (who organized this and is also the blogger fasting today) will each be taking one day to highlight specific causes and areas of need in the world, as well as the practical ways that we can all can help meet those needs.

So please visit Kat's site today as she provides useful information and inspiration. We really can be agents of change and have an impact on lives around the world.

Time to Simplify

2007-06-20T11:32:00.000-05:00

Do you ever grow weary from the endless striving? Ever grow tired of yourself, the sound of your own voice, the disappointment of your own shortcomings, the constant grinding and thinking and analyzing?

I sure do. And I'm feeling that a lot lately. The sad thing is that I'm not sure I know how to simplify things. I'm craving a return to the basics. Ironically, I'll probably end up seeking some complicated way to accomplish it. You know, like 10 Steps to a Simpler Life or something. And by the time I reach Step 5, I've already made things so complicated that I've given up on it.

I'm thinking that I probably try to complicate things because then I don't have to actually do anything. I can just talk about it endlessly, and get a warm and fuzzy feeling, and feel like I have done something useful by thinking and talking about it.

I really liked a recent quote by one of my favorite bloggers, Shaun Groves, who had this to say when a young man wrote him an e-mail asking for advice about what God's will was for his life:

Whatever you decide to do for a living, decide to love God more than yourself, love the poor and the sick and the hopeless more than your own happiness, love the intern as much as the boss, love your kids more than a promotion, love your wife more than your laptop. This is God’s will for your entire life. To pull this off you’ll need to buy as little as you can. The more stuff you own the more you’ll feel you have to work, the more depressed you’ll be when work isn’t fun, and the more you’ll equate God’s will with what you do for work, and the less time you’ll have to discover all the other things life is supposed to be about.

Brilliant. It seems to me that this is reminiscent of Jesus' words in Matthew 22, "'You shall love the Lord Your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind'. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself'."

There's nothing at all wrong with intellectual pursuits, and studiously searching for more knowledge, and trying to make it all make sense and find out how we fit into the big picture. But there's a time and a season for every event under heaven. And for me, right now seems like a time to peel back the layers of complexity and return to the basics.

Love and Sacrifice

2007-05-17T10:24:00.000-05:00

After reading the latest entry by one of my favorite bloggers, FancyPants, I found myself doing a lot of thinking about a lot of different things. I don't really have any answers to questions or any solutions to problems, but I do have a few thoughts that I hope will help someone.

My wife's mother has spent most of the past 20 years of her life giving up her own personal comfort and desires to care for other people. One by one, her parents and in-laws, as well as her husband (my late father-in-law) went through long, drawn-out illnesses that eventually resulted in their death. For her, this meant vacations were on hold, life was lived for the convenience of others, and many personal sacrifices were made to comfort and care for those who were closest to her, as they gradually became unable to care for themselves.

My mother-in-law comes from a generation where these sorts of personal sacrifice were considered commonplace. You don't fuss and whine about the hand you've been dealt, you buck up and do what has to be done. It meant that the people who had spent their whole lives working hard to give her a good life could spend their final years at home, in the care of family. They were able to die surrounded by the love of those closest to them, with dignity and tenderness, instead of in a cold, impersonal place where they would be all alone.

But when it's all said and done, hardly anybody has noticed the things that my mother-in-law did. She didn't get any awards or recognition, she doesn't get any sort of payment for her time, she wasn't left any richer or better off. She is a Christian, so maybe there will be some sort of reward for her in Heaven, but that's not why she did it, and I honestly don't believe for a second that such a thought has ever entered her mind. She just did what she thought was right, and did what she had to do.

Throughout the long history of the Church, I'd be willing to bet that an almost infinite number of acts of personal sacrifice and human kindness and decency have been done. Some, like a comforting hug or kind word, seem very small and almost invisible to anyone except the recipient of the kindness (and of course the Lord, who sees all); others have been huge acts of extreme selflessness and sacrifice, putting the good of other people before oneself -- even to the point of a willingness to be put to death for others, or for the sake and furtherance of the Kingdom of God. Most people of God who have gone before us have labored in complete anonymity for long years, many never really seeing the long-term fruit of their selfless sacrifices. We know the names of a few important figures throughout history, but for every one of those, there are a million others who simply did the right thing, and served the Lord in steady and anonymous quietness year after year, never complaining or expecting a reward or recognition.

Because of countless little sacrifices of others throughout the years, we today have a high standard of living, a great deal of personal safety and freedom, and a virtually infinite number of choices set before us. We can decide who and what we will be, and how we will spend our time. By our actions and how we spend our time, we state emphatically which things in our lives have the greatest value to us, and which things are relatively unimportant. It's one thing to say we love our neighbor; it's quite another to go out of our way on a busy day to spend some time just listening to someone talk, or giving someone comfort from loneliness.

If I were to say that today's generation is one that demands instant gratification and instant results, I would be correct. That's all we've been taught, really. But I wouldn't really be solving any problems or making a difference by pointing this out -- I'd just be another complaining voice joining in the continual chorus of criticism that we all hear every day.

So instead, I'll offer what I hope will be a word of encouragement to anyone who understands what I'm saying: Simply, don't grow weary of doing the right thing. Don't grow tired of doing good for other people, and don't buy into the lie that every act of value must be rewarded with a good feeling, or some sort of recognition -- or even an understanding of how our deed fits into the big picture. If the only thing you're accomplishing is to give some weary soul a few moments of rest, or a pain-stricken body a few minutes to forget about the pain, then you are being Jesus to that person at that moment.

Servants of the Lord engage in the work of Christ in tiny increments, over a long period of time. What other things you could have done with that time, or what other things you would rather be doing with your freedom, are among the sacrifices that you are making, and there are no promises this side of Heaven that you'll ever know what a difference you've made, or how much you really helped someone.

I know this is long, but one final thing: I know that whenever there is discussion of doing good works, the subjects of motive and "dead works" come up. That is, if you're doing the right thing for the wrong reason, then you are not earning eternal rewards. Or that humanitarian kindness apart from serving the Lord is of no real value, since it doesn't glorify Him. But I'm specifically addressing Christians with these words. So straight from the lips of Jesus Himself comes this: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Clear, unambiguous, without a bunch of fancy conditions. Obeying this action command from the Lord will involve self-sacrifice, and doing something for the good of someone else with your time.

Things I've Learned Lately

2007-05-04T08:37:00.000-05:00

Since I rarely seem to blog, nobody probably noticed that I've been gone for a while. The main part of this time away was spent flying to Texas to get my aging parents all loaded up and moved to Tennessee to be close to family here. Everything went reasonably well, and after a very crazy week, I managed to get my parents, three cats, a yappy little dog, and a whole bunch of stuff (including a very heavy upright piano) moved here, all by myself.

Anyway, during these last couple of weeks, I learned a few things, in no particular order:

1. Houston is not the same place it was when I grew up there. I know that change is a constant, and Houston has been growing rapidly for many years, so no real surprise here. But it seems like it has changed very much for the worse. I grew up getting Season Passes to AstroWorld every year, and things were such that my best friend and I would get dropped off by his parents or mine literally about every other day during the summer, and would spend the whole day there -- alone, unsupervised, and frankly never fearing for our safety. AstroWorld closed a couple of years ago, apparently overrun by gang problems and neglect. Just a few days of watching the news in Houston led me to feel hopelessness and depression (I know that bigger cities have more people, and thus more crimes to report, but there just seems to be such a malevolent nature to a place that once seemed so much friendlier).

2. Southeast Texas is a giant, never-ending road construction project. Okay, I didn't really learn this, but I was certainly reminded of it way too much while there. I guess the sheer volume of traffic on the roads wears them down quickly -- that I can understand. But it also seems like the pattern is to plan a giant new highway project, and to tear everything up completely while working on it, and make everyone drive through ridiculously narrow lanes between cement barriers. Then, no sooner than they finally open the new, wider superhighway, they begin work on the next major upgrade to it. Trying to get out of Texas (from the southwest part of Houston) on a weekday seemed at first to go surprisingly well, as I cruised along the 610 Loop, thinking I had beaten the system by taking a sneaky route around town, avoiding stop-and-go traffic. Boy was I wrong. The entire east side of I-10 heading out was actually narrowed down to a single lane at one point (where they were widening a bridge or something), so traffic backed up for many miles and came to a standstill, for hours and hours.

3. I don't like humidity. Well, this isn't really a new realization, either. Middle Tennessee is nothing like the Gulf Coast, but we do have a few weeks every year during the peak of summer when it does feel sort of like that here. So I know I don't like it. But the humidity in southeast Texas is so constant, so heavy and oppressive. I don't recall it bothering me when I was a kid growing up there -- I guess it was all I knew. When we visited there during Thanksgiving a few years ago, my wife thought she was going to die. There we were, late November, and it was hot and muggy and very unpleasant, and we were sweating and could barely breathe. (Sorry, enough complaining about the weather -- some people probably like it hot like that -- and I realize that people do acclimate to their environment).

4. I hate being away from my wife. For so many reasons. She's my best friend, my lover, my biggest fan and second-harshest critic (I'm first), but so much of the time, she also seems like the glue that helps keep me together. I'm scattered, disorganized, and a whole host of other things, but somehow my wife manages to make me a much better person, on so many levels. I literally thank God for her every day and night, and being separated from her for any period of time is a stark reminder of just how much I have to be thankful for, and how much I need her and depend on her.

So anyway, it's good to be back home. I've been incredibly busy, and have a lot of work ahead of me, but things are great, and I really do have a lot to be thankful for. The Lord is good.

Arthritis

2007-03-09T17:24:00.000-06:00

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be..." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Feel the Spirit

2006-12-09T12:31:00.000-06:00

Do you ever sense the Holy Spirit as a real and tangible presence?

I believe that I have had, and continue to have, very moving and undeniable experiences while in the presence of God's Holy Spirit. I know that's a very spooky and vague statement, that could very easily be misinterpreted, so please read on.

First, let me address the potential pitfalls of what I'm examining here -- and there are many. We do not acknowledge, serve, or worship God just to get a good feeling or "spiritual sensation". We are not supposed to be motivated by selfish desires, or sing songs just to "feel moved by the Spirit". Additionally, we are called to serve based on faith, not on emotions or feelings. If there are no feelings, and nothing seems tangible or uplifting, we should still live in obedience to Christ.

Secondly, what we are talking about is so subjective that discussing it might seem almost useless anyway. People who practice meditation, yoga, and any number of countless other religious rituals report a sense of euphoria, strong emotional sensations, and other similar feelings. It's well documented that the power of suggestion in human experience is extremely strong, so telling someone that "the Spirit of God is here, do you feel it?", and playing beautiful music or using other similar techniques can arguably produce a counterfeit version of what I'm describing as real.

As somebody who does not show much outward emotion, and is by nature an observer more than a participant, I believe that I'm as wary of all these problems as anyone -- even to the point that I consider it a fault. I often have to overcome my natural impulses, such as being too skeptical, too cynical, and too slow to trust or believe.

But please consider something here: The Christ-followers gathered in Jerusalem in the Book of Acts were experiencing something. It was real enough, experiential enough, and tangible enough that they were able to act on it and live out lives of Christian discipleship with great power and boldness. Those who witnessed it knew they were encountering something undeniable. It served an important part in the birth of the Church, and I can't imagine God intending to start something so revolutionary with such a huge bang, only to decide that such power would have an expiration date.

There's really nothing else I can do here in a blog except to say it honestly -- many times in the past, and many times recently, I have experienced an overwhelming sense of the presence of God. It's a very real, and very tangible sense that He is nearby -- it's an overwhelming sense of peace and calm, a strong sense of reverence, and a sense of connectedness to the One who is ultimately the very longing of my heart, and the very One for whom I was made. It's particularly strong, for example during times of singing, praying, and worshipping with the people in my small group. The other night it almost felt like a tangible wave sweeping through the room, a moment when I suddenly became very aware that a strong, almost euphoric sense of the Holy Spirit was suddenly there among us.

I don't want to reduce this to some sort of self-glorifying "I must be someone really special and spiritual" type thing. Far from it -- lately I have been feeling increasingly aware of my inescapable wickedness of heart, my continual craving for things other than the Lord. I feel like I can be in a time of sincere prayer and devotion, among friends praying or praising, and my heart is begging God to help me be closer to Him, and I'm thinking of things in my life that stand in the way, and I'm vowing to remove those things so I can see Him more clearly in my life. Then, within that same hour, I'm totally distracted, and some worthless pretty charm has wrapped it's fingers around my heart and drawn me away, with ease that's just sickening.

But I am interested to hear the thoughts of others about this subject. Do you have any idea what I mean about the Holy Spirit's presence? Have you had tangible, moving experiences that you believe were real? Have you personally experienced or seen supernatural things? Is this a subject worth exploring, or is there danger in glorifying the experience, or some other wrong thing, rather than glorifying God and God alone, regardless of feelings?

Tag - I'm It?

2006-11-20T09:41:00.000-06:00

I saw this thing making the rounds on some of my friends' blogs, and knew it would get to me eventually. And it did. I need to make it clear up front that I don't mind doing this at all -- I take it for the fun and harmless thing it is. But lately I've been finding myself completely without anything to say. I can't explain it, and I'm not even sure I understand what's happening. I think it's just the season in my life that I'm currently in, and so I'm having to push myself to complete all these answers. I hope I don't come across as mean or grumpy about this, because that's not really how I feel at all. Sometimes written words just don't properly convey subtle underlying elements like sarcasm and such.

Be sure to read all the way to the end to see if you’ve been tagged!

1. Three things that scare me:
* The unknown
* Pain
* Evil in the world

2. Three people who make me laugh:
* Conan O'Brien
* This guy
* My wife

3. Three things I hate the most:
* Trying to answer these (and coming up with nothing)
* Cluster headaches
* Human suffering

4. Three things I don’t understand:
* German
* Chinese
* The French

5. Three things I’m doing right now:
* Taking a break from work
* Eating a bowl of Cheerios
* Trying to come up with answers here

6. Three things I want to do before I die:
* Travel the world
* Grow old with my wife
* Have grandchildren

7. Three things I can do:
* Play the drums
* Troubleshoot computer problems
* Make farting noises with my hands or the backs of my knees

8. Three ways to describe my personality:
* Patient
* Easy-going
* Introverted

9. Three things I can’t do:
* Overcome procrastination (though I hope to someday)
* Feel comfortable in formal clothing
* Land a triple Salchow-triple toeloop combination

10. Three things I think you should listen to:
* Constructive criticism
* The genuine needs of other people
* Your conscience

11. Three things you should never listen to:
* Unconstructive criticism
* Self-doubt
* Network TV News

12. Three things I’d like to learn:
* How to overcome my fears and weaknesses
* How to love and serve people selflessly
* How to be a better husband/father

13. Three favorite foods:
* Lasagna
* Grilled steak
* Mexican food

14. Three beverages I drink regularly:
* Water
* Water
* More water (sorry, nothing else I drink "regularly")

15. Three shows I watched as a kid:
* Gilligan's Island
* Speed Racer
* Looney Tunes

16. Three people I’m tagging (to do this):
* Baca's Head
* Snoopy
* Opera Mama
(You think it's been a long time since I've blogged? Ha!)

MySpace Account for Sale

2006-09-26T21:26:00.000-05:00

No, this is apparently not a joke.

A guy on E-Bay is selling a MySpace account with over 1000 friends. I would post the link here, but since it's an active E-Bay auction set to expire in a few days, the link would probably be invalid pretty soon anyway. So I just took a screen capture of the page (click for full-sized image):

I don't think it tells you which MySpace account it is, so it's anybody's guess as to who these "over 1000 friends" are. Probably auto-added musicians, spammers, fake profiles with pictures of models to try and lure you to porn sites, lesbian midgets, emo posers, and all the other usual MySpace suspects.

But hey -- why bother to make lots of friends the old-fashioned way, when you can just buy them on-line?

No Place Like Home

2006-09-25T16:30:00.000-05:00

I'm back home after a week in California -- I was mostly there for business, but got to see some old friends and have a little fun, too.

It's kind of weird to visit a place that I once called "home", but while there to feel a very long way from home. My wife went with me, and even though she was born and raised in California, she commented on the return flight, as our plane touched down in Nashville, "It's good to be home."

That may not sound like much, but you have to understand that we moved here to Nashville a little over a year ago, completely without a real plan, and with no idea whether things would work out or not. We left behind a secure and comfortable situation, and honestly didn't know if we were making a good decision or a huge mistake. I wish I had some neat story like "We felt led by the Spirit" or something, but I don't. We just had restless souls that felt like we no longer wanted to stay where we were, and decided to set out and see where we ended up. I do feel like we ended up where we were "supposed to be", but in saying that, I also wonder if that would have been true wherever we chose, as long as we were "seeking first the Kingdom of God" -- which hopefully we are, though in a sort of clumsy and imperfect way.

Now that I'm back, I feel a little out of touch -- I didn't get a chance to read my favorite blogs while I was gone. And as I pretty much expected, I have returned to a mountain of unread new entries at each blog. So off I go to try and catch up...

Party Time

2006-09-16T03:25:00.000-05:00

Some folks may be extremely adept in social situations, and excel at meeting new people and mingling with crowds. Personally, I have always been a bit on the awkward side when it comes to such interaction, and I marvel at those who are able to live the life that the rest of us can only dream of. This brief photo presentation is dedicated to you, the life of the party...

Long Blog Entries and Disproportionately Long Titles for Relatively Short Entries

2006-08-30T17:22:00.000-05:00

Looking through my past blog entries, it occurs to me that they are typically quite long.

The present entry is a deliberate attempt to buck that trend.

Thank you for your support.

Why Blog? Part 2 of 2

2006-08-26T09:38:00.000-05:00

In Part 1 of Why Blog?, I took a general look at some of the factors and motivations that might be involved in blogging, or in my case, lack of blogging.

Now in Part 2, I will take a closer look at a few of my favorite blogs and bloggers, attempting primarily to discern in some way their purpose and style:

Five Cent Stand - I can't say enough good things about Seth and his writing. He is extremely intelligent and educated, and very well-rounded in arts and humanities. It appears to me that his blog is the "personal thoughts" or "further discussion" portion of Five Cent Stand, his music/ministry endeavor. In all honesty, his writing is entertaining and thought-provoking enough to stand on its own (meaning, in my opinion he could be an author for a living, in addition to his work as a musician and/or minister of the Gospel).

(Actually, now that I think about it, that last bit is true of the other four bloggers I'm writing about below also -- they could all write professionally in addition to their chosen professions or vocations. So let’s just say “that goes without saying” at this point, in regards to every one I’m reviewing. Sorry to write an entire paragraph in parentheses -- is that considered an acceptable practice?)

Anyway, back to Seth... so my guess is that because he is well-read and well-rounded, and has an audience which is a combination of personal friends and fans of Five Cent Stand, then he writes in a manner that speaks to that audience. He never seems to be lacking in creative inspiration, and he is well-versed in many areas, so I'm going to say that in his case, it seems like writing comes naturally and flows out effortlessly, constrained only by the fact that he actually has a life and can't spend all his waking hours at the computer.

I'll summarize this blog as being a variety of stories and writings by an artistic genius who has extra creative energy to expend, who enjoys the community, encouragement, and spiritual synergy that blog interaction involves.

The Secret Life of Kat - Kat is also very well-educated and well-rounded, but writes from the perspective of somebody who holds (in my humble opinion) The Most Important Job in The World. I'm referring, of course, to being a Mommy (not to redesigning Shaun Groves' website). She chronicles daily life as a Christ-follower and a Mom, and has lots of additional goodies like music reviews/recommendations and great computer technical tips. It seems to me that Kat started out just writing her thoughts in a daily-journal style, not even sure if she'd even have an audience of more than a few people. Over time, she seems to have gotten more comfortable with the fact that she does indeed have a larger audience, but has managed to retain the candor that is the hallmark of her writing style. It's thought-provoking, touching, and heartfelt.

I'll summarize this blog as being a candid daily journal of life as a Christian parent, with a lot of extra tips and information, as the writer explores other areas that interest her.

The Cachinnator - I'm now up to my third blogger review, and I'm noticing a pattern already. I was going to say "and speaking of very well-educated and well-rounded individuals...", and realized that this is true of all my favorite bloggers. I’m not exactly sure what that means -- should I broaden my horizons and read BL0gZ ritt3n by D00dZ who Rite m0rE liKe ThiS?

Anyway -- the Cachinnator is yet another fine example of a multi-faceted, well-rounded, and highly educated character who can seemingly blog at will on a fascinating variety of subjects. Overall, he majors in humor, but clearly has an astonishing grasp on a wide array of subjects that are amazing, amusing, entertaining, and thought-provoking. It seems to me that his target audience is a wide variety of acquaintances that he has made through various artistic, academic, charitable, and ministry endeavors – clearly, he has led a very exciting and interesting life, and has traveled a lot. A lot of his blogging is written in the style of an online version of a standup comedian, who enjoys interacting with his audience. He deals with some very serious subjects as well, but clearly is very optimistic, affable, and fun-natured – someone who is able to lift spirits and bring encouragement to his readers.

I'll summarize this blog as being the exploration of a bold array of subjects, touching on a wide variety of interests, all while having a lot of fun by interacting with the blog audience in the style of dialogue that one might hear from a standup comedian at a club (though unlike a comedian at a club, the outcome of the dialogue is often quite inspirational).

Letters from Kamp Krusty - Brant Hansen is apparently a DJ at a radio station in South Florida or something. I mean, he really is, I’m not trying to sound like I doubt that or anything. But I don’t live anywhere near South Florida and have not heard him on the air there, so I honestly don't know much about what he does, or if he's really a super-famous local celebrity or something. (Although I swear a couple of months ago I was driving around here in the Nashville area and heard him on my local WAY-FM station, which leads me to believe that either they have a guest-DJ exchange program, or they let the broadcast signal from one area get sent to another at certain times, or something. Hopefully I’m allowed to say that, and not giving away some dark trade secret or something).

Anyway, back to my blog analysis -- I love Brant's blog. It's a little hard to classify it, though. He's an amazing writer. His style is quite unique. He's a bit sarcastic, and very humorous, but not in a traditional sort of way. He's self-deprecating, but in a light-hearted and fun way. There's a tremendous amount of truth and wisdom in what he writes, but he communicates in an unusual way.

I guess you just have to read it for yourself to see what I mean. I highly recommend perusing the archives from his previous blog host (Xanga) as well -- there are a lot of gems there.

I get the impression (from some recent comments he made on his blog) that until recently, Brant didn't think he had much of an audience reading his entries. So I’m not sure who his perceived audience was during all the time he’s been writing – I’d assume he figured it was just a few of his personal friends and maybe some radio fans. But I think he must have utilized one of those web traffic analyzers and discovered that he actually has a pretty good-sized audience. I’m not sure that the “perceived audience” in Brant’s case really affects his writing much, anyway. He writes like a daily columnist for a small-town newspaper, and looking back through his archives, he has always written consistently with that same style.

I think I'll summarize this blog as being in the style of a daily column, with a slightly sarcastic and offbeat sense of humor, dispensing wisdom and goodness without being schlocky or sentimental.

SHLOG - To me, Shaun Groves is the mac daddy of bloggers. Seriously. The quality of his work in this medium is second to none. He knows how to have a lot of fun with it, and keep it in perspective, but he also excels at using the available resources it provides to truly connect with his audience in a way that is, quite frankly, cutting edge for the industry he's in. He's open and honest about his own life, talks with complete transparency about the realities of the business/vocation he is part of (Christian music and ministry), is tremendously gifted as a writer, and is not afraid to ask hard questions, challenge stubborn orthodoxy, and encourage wrestling with hard issues.

One would naturally assume that his audience is expected mostly to be people who know of him primarily as a Christian musician, and for a good many people that may be true. But I know of many Shlog readers for whom this is not the case – including myself.

In terms of his target audience, Shaun probably has an advantage over many bloggers. I say this because I believe his base audience is probably quite large, and as a result of the natural synergy of the internet (meaning, lots of people link to him and his audience continues to grow) he can make entries that encourage participation and thought, he can get a good feel for his audience’s reaction to ideas he has (instead of “flying blind” or guessing what his audience wants), and he can cover a wide variety of subjects and always be speaking directly to somebody in his audience.

One final and interesting thing about Shlog – all of the other bloggers I reviewed above are in some way connected to Shaun, either through a direct personal relationship, or as fellow Shlog readers and commenters (or both). I think this speaks volumes, both about the type of audience that Shaun attracts, as well as the high quality of his work, which can keep so many people from so many different backgrounds interested and participating in an online community.

I’ll summarize by saying that Shlog is a strongly ministry-oriented blog, and a very well-balanced look at a wide variety of subjects and ideas, with uncommon transparency and bold, unflinching honesty that both challenges and entertains the audience.

So there you have them. My long-awaited reviews of a few of my favorite blogs. I hope that if you read any of these blogs regularly, or if you are the writer of any of these blogs, that you’ll let me know what you think of these. I may be completely wrong in my impressions and opinions, or maybe I’ve even made you view these blogs from a slightly different perspective.

Remember, my goal here was to compare and contrast different styles of blogging, different ways of interacting with the blog audience, and different attitudes and approaches to what the perceived purpose and use for blogging is. Did I succeed in any way? Do I have a better idea of how to find my own blogging voice, and how to approach my audience, real or perceived, when I sit down to type out my thoughts from now on? I guess time will tell...

I Dream of High School

2006-08-20T08:58:00.000-05:00

I'm forty-one years old. That means that for more than half of my life, I have been out of school. I never went to college -- I spent my time after high school working a variety of jobs to try and support my daughter (yes, I became a parent very young, that's a whole other story), and I spent six years in the U.S. Army. I did take a few college courses while in the Army, but to me, that's not anything like actually "going to college" like many folks do.

My guess is that even for those who went to college, high school still stands out as unique and pivotal among the various time slices that combine to make up our life experiences. Looking back, it certainly did for me.

Although it was a time of intense inner turmoil for me, it was also a time of relative stability in my life. I spent four consecutive years in the same giant honeycomb of a building, faced with often intense and seemingly meaningful social interaction with many of the same kids who I had watched grow up beside me for several years. But now those kids had social standing, and strong personal identities, and an image carefully sculpted for peer consumption.

I have no regrets, because what I am today is in some way the sum of my decisions and life experiences. But I do wish I had done a lot of things differently. I had a lot of opportunities, and I was supported and surrounded by a lot of love at home. At the risk of sounding like I'm boasting (though I'm not, except boasting in my Maker), God gave me a mind which could have taken me anywhere, and allowed me to be or do anything I chose -- if I had just applied myself. Academic endeavors came easily to me, and even with no studying or effort, I cranked out A's and an occasional B (usually from classes that included completion of homework in the grading scheme).

Socially, I was more of an outsider than anything. I never participated in extracurricular activities or clubs, never made it into the really cool or popular social circles, never got invited to the big events that were the buzz of the day. I sort of enjoyed being a mysterious outsider, and I often befriended kids that didn't quite fit in, or were more preoccupied with being anti-social than social. For a few years I also hung out with the party crowd ("party", of course, being a euphemism for a variety of mischevious and even dangerous activities that did not involve wearing silly hats or eating cake), and that became a big part of my identity, both personally and in the minds of most of my classmates. Frankly, I kind of liked that the other kids thought I was a little dangerous, associated with long hair and rock music, a rebel and a freak. I could run circles around most of them academically, but they couldn't reconcile that fact with who or what they thought I was. I was a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. (Okay, I'm lame for using that phrase, which Churchill originally used to describe Russia).

By my senior year, I had undergone a radical personal transformation when a long, intense, and (to most of my classmates) unknown quest led me to Jesus. I spent most of my senior year carrying a Bible around in school and trying to convince people of the importance of the discovery I had made. But irony being what it is, by this time my reputation was set in cement, and most of my classmates regarded me as a doped-up, long-haired rock musician who had no idea what I was talking about. I think that most of the people I knew, except for a few of my closest friends, put no serious credence in my apparent conversion experience.

As I would imagine is the case for most people, I never saw or heard from most of my classmates again after we graduated. When I looked through one of those "find your classmates" web sites a few years ago, I realized that I really didn't know very many of my classmates very well. There was a very small inner circle of friends who really knew me, and then there was Everyone Else. We had all spent a lot of time, energy, and effort trying to impress Everyone Else, and in the end, took very little notice of what Everyone Else was actually doing.

Which brings me to the whole reason that I started this entry. I awoke this morning with a dream still fresh in my head. Most nights, I either don't remember what I dreamed about, or I've forgotten it completely by lunchtime. But the dream I had last night, has been a recurring dream for many years, in some form or another. It's not identical or repetitive each time, but the theme is always the same: I've gone back to high school to do it all over again. Even though I blend in, and they don't know who I really am, I'm older than all the other kids, and have learned lessons that none of them have learned yet. I have an edge over all them, and am there not because I have to be, but because I want to be. I know that I've already graduated and gotten my diploma, so there's no pressure on me to actually complete any classes, or even show up. I can leave at any time and return to my life after high school. And yet in this dream, I still attend each class faithfully, and look just like all the other students.

This dream usually includes some of the fears and anxieties that many of us had during that time -- the bell rings and I can't even find my locker or remember my combination, or I forget which class I'm supposed to be in or which period it is, or I don't have that big term paper that is due today.

Honestly, I have no idea why I have this dream. I'm sure a psychologist or some other trained professional could slice, dice, and analyze it with certainty, within mere moments. I'm not sure that doing that would make me stop having this dream anyway. In truth, I don't think I should be going too deep to discover the meaning behind this -- it's just a dream, no more real or important than dreams that I'm flying, or dreams that I'm riding on a train through a strange landscape, or whatever flickering images my mind sees at night.

But while I'm thinking about these things, and while the subject is fresh in my mind, I suppose that it doesn't hurt to try and learn something from my thoughts. You would think that the one lesson we should all learn as we get older is to make the most of the present time, because at some point in the future, we're going to be looking back on the present time and viewing it with older, and hopefully wiser, eyes. I think it's worth asking ourselves -- are we making the most of every moment we have right now, or are we more concerned with what Everyone Else thinks about us? And in a few years, will Everyone Else even remember our name?

Why Blog? Part 1 of 2

2006-08-09T01:13:00.000-05:00

As somebody who has clearly not been able to get into the flow of creating my own new blog entries very often, I have decided to ask myself (and hopefully anyone kind enough to comment on my thoughts) why it is that we blog in the first place. My hope is that by having a logical and coherent purpose or goal in mind, I can stay focused on the task long enough to actually write here on a regular basis.

I'm going to shamelessly plug (and attempt to analyze) a few of my favorite bloggers in the process, because each of them is fairly prolific at this whole blogging thing, and hopefully I'll come to some sort of conclusion as to whether or not there is any value in doing this, and if so, why I can't seem to get any momentum behind my own blogging.

I think I'll admit right up front that part of my problem is that I'm both a perfectionist and a horrible procrastinator. I feel inspired, begin to write, proofread, edit, proofread, rewrite half of what I've written, proofread, and then edit some more... and that's just the first paragraph. By the time I've tried several variations on a given theme and then scrapped half of what I've written, I've mentally and emotionally exhausted myself with the subject matter, and lost the original thought or inspiration that got me started in the first place. So I save my thoughts as an unfinished Draft, and the procrastinator part of me kicks in and says "I'll finish this later".

I know that I can put together coherent thoughts, and that I can write with reasonable clarity regarding those thoughts. I am almost as prolific while being a blog commenter (on some of my favorite blogs, which I'll look at in Part 2) as the bloggers themselves. Perhaps this is because I have read something written by someone else with a specific theme or outline, and now have a defined space in which to convey my thoughts. When I have too many subjects in mind (or perhaps no subject in particular), I lose focus and end up with nothing at all. Does that make sense?

This brings me to the next point, which seems to play a big part in blogging (or lack thereof) -- the target audience. This is where there's likely to be a lot of variation from blogger to blogger, and perhaps why I find it so hard to get started. Who am I writing for? Am I keeping a personal diary or journal? Am I talking to a group of my closest friends and sharing personal information? Am I talking to "the public" on the internet, and hoping to say something meaningful to anyone who happens to drop in? Will certain baseline assumptions about myself, my audience, or my world view undergird my entries, or will I have to write about each subject as if to a complete stranger who knows nothing about me or my subject?

This is no small consideration when composing a written work. It affects not only the contents of the blog entries, but also the writing style and grammar. It affects whether the writing should be folksy and plain, or formal and proper. It affects whether I talk a lot in the third person, or write just like I would if I were sitting face-to-face with a close friend.

Perhaps I'm overthinking this. Perhaps I should just write stream-of-consciousness with minimal editing, and see what comes out. But for me, that's easier said than done.

In Part 2, I will run through the blogging styles of a few of my favorite bloggers, and attempt to view them with a very unusual approach -- that is, not a critique in the same manner that you normally see written works critiqued, but as an attempt to understand how and why they blog, and what their target audience (or perceived target audience) seems to be. So stay tuned.

The Perfect Church

2006-06-06T23:33:00.000-05:00

I was originally going to make this a comment on a thread over at Five Cent Stand, but as you can see, it's way too long to be a comment. I'm bad about hogging up comment space on other blogs, so this is a good excuse for a new entry in my own.

I suppose that this is as good a time and place as any to admit that I have never really done much church-shopping (or church-hopping) in my life, or been picky about where I attend. I don't believe that I'm somehow "special" because of this. In fact, I'm not even saying that this is a good thing or a bad thing at all. It's just that church-shopping is not something that I've ever really done.

I'm not a member of an organized denomination (including "non-denominational"), and I have absolutely no problem with anyone who is. I'm honestly quite indifferent, as long as they agree on "the fundamentals of the faith", and I realize that to some people, even certain fundamentals are optional (I'd probably disagree). But I digress.

If I wander into a church, find the people reasonably likeable, the doctrine reasonably biblical and balanced, and the parking lot reasonably easy to enter/exit on Sunday morning (details below), then by-golly, I've found a church home.

I realize that not everyone is as fortunate as I've been with this. It has just always worked out so that within the first or second try, I've managed to find a church that's close enough for my purposes.

Groucho Marx once said, "I would never join a club that would have me as a member." Almost as long as I've been a Christian, I have believed that if I ever find the perfect church and decide to join it, then it is no longer perfect.

I get much more spiritual growth from my home group, from one-on-one personal relationships, from allowing a group of fellow believers to challenge me and to speak truth into my life (even when it's harsh and unpleasant truth), and from personal Bible study and prayer time than I do from where I sing on Sunday mornings.

Don't get me wrong -- I have a very good church, and like the teaching and preaching, and have made fabulous friends there. But as it relates to my life and the spiritual well-being of my family, the big church is mostly just a building and a place to assemble. I do give my tithes and offerings there, and am pleased that they actively support missionaries and local charities and outreaches. It would bother me if they didn't do that.

When our church asks for volunteers to serve, my wife and I have always made ourselves available for the work they do there.

But it's not a big part of my personal identity. I don't really have a label for myself besides "Christian" or "Christ-follower". It's not that I think there's anything wrong with having a label, because there's not. I just don't have one for myself.

Oh, and about the parking lot thing above -- when we moved to our present location (about 25 miles south of Nashville) last November, we were eager to find a church home right away (because that's important to us), and the first place we tried was recommended by someone who had not actually been there, but who had heard that it was good.

So we found it on Mapquest, looked up service times on their web site, and headed out the next Sunday morning to try it out. It took us over 35 minutes to get into the over-crowded parking lot from the congested street outside, even with cops directing traffic. It took us over 45 minutes to get out of the parking lot when the service was over.

The service itself was... okay. Nothing great, nothing terrible. There were a lot of BMWs and Mercedes and SUVs in the parking lot. It's not that we are prejudiced against rich people, but we felt very out of place there.

My wife said "We are not going back there again. Ever." And I didn't really have any objection to her statement, so we didn't.

The next week, we attended a different church not too far away, and have been going there ever since. As I said, we like it just fine. We wouldn't want to church-shop in Nashville anyway, because there are way too many churches to choose from.

I Didn't Make It to the Bathroom

2006-05-17T23:28:00.000-05:00

I walked into our master bedroom, where my wife was sitting propped up on our bed, with all our pillows behind her, watching American Idol on the TV. It had been a long, hectic day for both of us, and she looked like she needed a hug. So I walked toward the bed, and held my arms out toward her in that familiar "come hither" way that we both understand.

She scooted away from the pillows toward the edge of the bed, and just as she stepped onto the floor and was about to fall fully into my embrace, made a startling announcement.

"I didn't make it to the bathroom," she said.

I recoiled suddenly, pulling rudely away from the embrace we had just begun. I felt like there was now a grotesque dampness on my hands where they had started to touch her. I must have had quite a stunned look on my face as I began to carefully examine her clothes for signs of how she had so unfortunately soiled herself.

My mind raced -- what could have happened? She hasn't been feeling well lately, maybe she threw up on the floor leading into the bathroom. Maybe she had gotten a touch of food poisioning from something she ate, and didn't expect the sudden onslaught of diarrhea.

As I looked her over from head to toe, nothing was immediately apparent. By this time, she must have begun to realize that there was some sort of misunderstanding.

"So, what happened?" I asked, "Are you sick?"

"No, silly, I mean the bathroom downstairs!" she exclaimed.

The bathroom downstairs? Again, my mind was racing. Why was she trying to make it to the bathroom downstairs, when we had a perfectly good bathroom next to the master bedroom?

"I didn't get the cleaning done yet," she explained, probably now aware that I was somewhere else completely.

Ah yes, the cleaning. Now it all made perfect sense.

We have been remodeling our house for several months now (as long as we've owned it), and I need to apply caulk to the bathroom downstairs. But first, she was planning to clean it thoroughly, so that the caulk will stick to the walls, shower, and doorjams, rather than all the dust and dirt that have gathered there from all the other construction projects.

She had a very busy day, doing lots of cleaning, laundry, and countless other chores that she undertakes every day. Because of how busy she was, she didn't make it to cleaning the bathroom to prep it for the caulking.

Of course I felt silly for the misunderstanding, but decided that now more than ever, she needed a big hug, since it had been such a crazy, busy, tiring day.

It was quite enjoyable, hugging my clean, dry, and healthy wife.